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Chapter Thirty-four
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Iopen my eyes thenclose them again; desperate to reclaim sleep. To reenter a world where I can pretend like yesterday didn’t happen.
A world where all Thad had to do was blink and I spread my legs wide like that would somehow fix all of our problems.
Now I’ve only made things worse. For me, for him, for us. Because I can get past a lot of things but I don’t think I can get past him walking out the door seconds after spilling himself inside of me.
He didn’t say anything. Hell, he didn’t even look at me. He put his clothes on and ran from the camper like the damn thing was on fire.
Tears sting the back of my eyes and I squeeze them closed even tighter.
I will not cry over him.
I will not give him another ounce of my soul, another shred of my heart, another second of my time.
Thad Mitchell has hurt me for the very last time.
—-
“So, here it is.” Myagent Wendy slides the lease agreement across the table and hands me a pen. “The owner said he will meet us at the house and we can exchange the paperwork for the keys. He’s pretty excited to have a celebrity renting one of his properties.”
“I don’t know that I would classify myself as a celebrity.” I take the pen and scratch my initials on one of the highlighted lines.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. Blood Lust is doing amazing. I’m sure you’ve noticed the buzz going around. Not to mention how frequently you’re getting recognized now.” She tilts her head toward two girls in the corner of the small café, their phones pointed in our direction, no doubt snapping pictures.
I think I’m oblivious to it all. Or maybe I’m afraid if I stop and let it soak in that it will all go away. It’s irrational, I know, but lately I’ve found myself unsure of things I’ve never been uncertain about.
“Thank you for lining this up so quickly.” I focus back on the matter at hand, initialing another line before scribbling my signature at the bottom.
“No problem at all. I was planning a trip out next week anyway so I moved it up.” She takes the lease agreement I extend to her and slides it back into a large manila envelope. “How was your holiday? I would ask if you rested and rejuvenated but you look more exhausted now than you did while filming twelve hour days.”
“It was good,” I say, not willing to comment further on the matter. After that night with Thad, I put on a smile and faked my way through the subsequent days before taking the first flight I could get out of Wyoming the day after New Year’s. “It wasn’t quite the reset I was hoping for. I’m just glad to be back on set and ready to get back at it.”
“Well, as you know, filming got pushed by two weeks so you’ve got a little time to get settled into your new home and hopefully get some rest while you’re at it.”
“I’m excited that I don’t have to go back to the hotel except to get my bags. I didn’t mind it so much before but now I feel like I need my own space.”
“Totally understandable.” She smiles, standing. “Well, shall we get you over to your new house?”
“Let’s do it.” I nod, pushing out of my seat before following her from the café.
—-
It takes me less thana couple of hours to move into my new home. Since it came completely furnished, the only thing I had to do was place some pictures around the space and hang my clothes in the closet.
Wendy really nailed it with this place. It’s a cute little white one story with a red door tucked away in a historic area of town less than fifteen minutes from our main set.
It’s a two bedroom with just over a thousand square feet. I really didn’t need anything more than that considering it’s just me. The added bedroom means that anyone coming to visit can have their own space and not have to sleep on the couch.
It’s been newly renovated with dark hard woods, light gray walls, and a small but modern kitchen located at the back of the house.
I’ve only been here two days and already it feels like home. I didn’t realize how much I would love having my own space. Considering I went from living with my family, to living with roommates in L.A., and then back to my family, I’ve never really lived alone before.
I also decided it was time to buy a car. Considering I’m no longer within walking distance to work I knew I was going to need one. So less than a day after moving into my new home, I had a shiny new red Audi in the driveway.
It finally feels like I’m starting to really move forward in this new life. And yet there’s this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I can’t seem to shake. One that tells me I’m forcing myself to make all these changes in hopes that it somehow erases what I’m trying so hard to bury.
