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“Be there for her.” Claire stands, crossing the room toward me. “Love her. And when it’s time,” she stops directly in front of me, “let her go.”
I sag forward, a pain riddled scream ripping so loudly from my chest it echoes back in my ears. Claire presses into me, her arms wrapping around my middle, supporting my weight as I slump forward. Her soft words blend with my sobs as I finally let the pain in.
I let it seep into my pores and I force myself to feel every ounce of it. Because no matter what I’m feeling, Claire’s right, what Finley is feeling is so much worse.
So I let myself cry. For the first time in as long as I can remember I let myself go, and Claire is there, holding me as I do.
——
Iknock lightly onFinley’s bedroom door. I don’t wait for a response before pushing my way inside.
She’s in the same position I’ve found her in countless times before. Back pressed to the head board, legs stretched out across the bed, a thick paperback book in her hands. She peers up over the tattered pages, her eyes going wide when she sees me enter.
“Hey,” I say, shoving my hands into the front pockets of my jeans.
“Hey.” She sets her book face up on the bed beside her.
“How are you?” I ask, rocking back on my heels. I feel like I say the same thing every time I see her. I wonder what it would be like to not have to ask her how she’s feeling or how she is from day to day. I wish I didn’t have to.
“I’m hanging in there.” She gives me a soft, emotion filled smile. “How are you?”
“I’m hanging in there. Finley, look, I’m so sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” She pushes out of the bed and crosses toward me. “I made the decision on my own and I didn’t let you have a say. I should have talked to you. I should have let you in instead of shutting you out.”
“I shouldn’t have yelled at you the way I did. I was angry and scared.”
“I know.” Tears fill her eyes and she reaches up to cup my face. “I know and it’s okay.”
“Forgive me?”
“I already have.” She slides her hands from my cheeks to the back of my neck, pulling my face down to hers. I rest my forehead against hers, taking a slow, steadying breath in.
“I’m scared,” I admit, forcing myself to meet her gaze.
“So am I.” She blinks and one solitary tear slides down her cheek. I instantly move to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb.
“I will never walk away from you again; I need you to know that.”
“I won’t ever ask you to,” she whispers back, pressing up on her tip toes to kiss me.
The second the contact is made I’m a swarm of emotions. Want. Need. Fear. Love. Anger. It all bleeds together until I feel like I can’t breathe without pulling her closer. Kissing her deeper. Loving her more fiercely than I ever have before.
——
“Tell me something you’vealways wanted to do but never have.” I slide my fingers gently up and down Finley’s bare back as we lay naked, tangled in bed together.
“I don’t know. There’s a lot of things I’d like to do I guess.” She snuggles her cheek against my chest, her palm flat on my stomach.
“If you had to pick one thing, what would it be?”
“Well, I’ve always wanted to rent a big van and road trip around the country.” She lets out a breath.
“And where would you go?”
“I don’t know. Everywhere. I just want to explore the land. Not big cities or touristy things. Just see the country. The fields, the mountains, rivers, and caves. I’d spend my days exploring, eating at different restaurants, and really getting a lay of the land. And at night...at night I’d sleep on the mattress in the back of the van with the doors open so I could look up at the stars.”
“A mattress in a van, huh?” I chuckle.
