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“I did. They removed ninety percent of the four centimeter malignant tumor two days after I met you. They didn’t think I’d survive the surgery, let alone that they could remove so much of the tumor without complications.”
“But they did?” I question, my chest tightening.
“There were some minor complications, but yes, they did.” She nods.
“So that’s why you ghosted me, because you thought...”
“Because I thought in the matter of a day I would be dead.”
“You should have told me.”
“What good would it have done? Besides, had you known you wouldn’t have looked at me the same.”
“That’s not true,” I argue.
“That’s easy for you to say now, but we both know it’s true. I would have become thesickgirl and everything would have been different. I needed to not be sick for just one more night. I needed to let myself live in a way I never have before. And you gave me that. One perfect night.”
“So then what? You thought you’d just sneak off and die and that would be it?”
“Yes,” she admits apologetically. “I never meant to deceive you. I just really liked the way you made me feel and I wanted to feel it for as long as I possibly could.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? After you survived the surgery.”
“I didn’t want to bring you into all of this.” She gestures around the room. “They got most of the tumor but that doesn’t mean I’m not sick anymore. There could still be more cancer. The tumor could regrow. So many things can still go wrong.”
“But that’s what the chemo is for, right?”
“Yes, but even still, chemo is no guarantee.”
“So how do we know that you’re cured?”
“I have four more rounds of chemo before I go in for my next scan. We will know more then. I might end up cancer free at the end of this. But if they find something else or the tumor has grown...” She trails off. “It’s very possible I may not survive. And I didn’t think that was fair to you. I wanted to wait until I knew I was out of the woods before I told you any of this. I didn’t want to put this on you, especially after learning about your mom.”
“But don’t you think that should have been my choice to make? Do you know how confused I was to see you at the hospital the way I did? To have to find out that way...”
“I’m sorry. But I did what I felt was right.”
“So now what?”
“Now the choice is yours. And listen,” she leans forward, wrapping her fingers around the back of my hand that’s still holding her other hand, “I’ll totally understand if you need to back away. This is a lot, I know that. And it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better.”
“You really think so little of me? That I would abandon you because you’re sick?”
“You barely know me, Abel. How could I expect anything else?”
“We may not have known each other for a very long period of time, but I’ve shared more with you in one night than I’ve ever shared with another woman. And I only fell harder in the weeks that have followed. Talking to you, laughing with you, you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. You make me feel...”
“Free,” she finishes for me and I’m not even a little surprised that she does. Our connection really does run that deep.
“Exactly. I don’t feel like I have to hide from you. You see me more clearly than anyone I’ve ever known. Because you seeme. Not what you want to see, not what I want you to see, but me. The real me.”
“I feel like I’ve waited for you my entire life. Why did I have to find you now? Like this.” Her eyes glaze over.
“Maybe you found me when you needed me the most.” I smile, tightening my grip on her hand. “Nothing about this has been normal, Finley. From the moment I sat down next to you at the bar everything has happened in hyper speed. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my head around, but when I look at you.” I reach up and tuck a strand of hair away from her face. “When I look at you everything feels right.”
“I feel the same.”
“So then it’s settled.”
