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Already my feelings have multiplied by a trillion and that’s after only one time. I can’t imagine how I will feel a week from now, or even a month. He’s under my skin, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to tell him that. Because I don’t want this to end. Not when it’s only just beginning. There’s something here. Something buried deep beneath the pain and guilt he holds onto like a vice. Something that tells me Abel and I could be good together. More than just good, if the sex is any indication. Hell, we could be epic. And that’s what I want. The epic kind of love. And while I know I’ll never replace Finley, and I would never want to, I’m hoping maybe there’s enough room in his heart for the both of us.
So instead, I plaster on an easy smile and do the only thing I can. I pretend. I pretend like I’m capable of a casual relationship in hopes that it grows into more.
Maybe that makes me stupid and weak, that I would bend on what I want to make a man happy. But isn’t that what a relationship is? Bending when we need to and standing firm when necessary. I see the battle he’s waging inside himself, so this is the time that I bend.
“You really think you’re capable of just sex?” he asks, still not convinced.
“Why don’t we try it and find out. Because I don’t know about you, but I want more.” I drop my clothes and reach up, locking my hands around the back of his neck. “I want so, so much more.” I press up on my tip toes and trail my tongue lightly across his bottom lip.
“Fuck me.” He groans and I feel him starting to harden against me.
“Is that my answer?” I pull back, a knowing smile on my face.
“What do you think?” he asks, seconds before I find myself pinned between Abel and the bed. A place I’ve decided I never want to leave.
——
“There you are.” Hennaspots me right as I hit the bottom step leading into the great room.
“Hey.” I try to act completely normal even though I’m freaking out a little on the inside.
“Where have you been?” She eyes me curiously.
“I was outside for a while and then I went upstairs to the bathroom. Those Long Islands didn’t agree with my stomach.” I run my hand along my belly.
“Is that why you look so out of sorts? Were you up there getting sick?”
“I’m better now,” I say without actually answering her question.
“You sure?”
“Yep. I feel great.”
“Okay, well we’re all going down to the hot tub. I wanted to see if you want to join us.”
“I don’t have a suit.”
“You don’t need one. Sven has an entire closet of swimsuits.”
“Of course he does.” I laugh.
“So, what do you say?”
“Um, can I get back to you on that? I want to find Abel real fast and see what he’s up to.”
“Yeah, okay. Just don’t wait too long or there won’t be any spots left.”
“Yeah. Yeah.” I shoo her away, waiting until she’s disappeared from view before giving Abel, who was hiding around the corner at the top of the stairs, the all clear.
He peeks his head out and hits me with a wide smile before he comes bounding down the stairs.
“I think I’m going to like this sneaking around thing,” he murmurs as he passes me.
I don’t know how we ended up deciding to keep this ‘casual’ relationship between us. After a little talking, we both agreed it would be easier for now. Easier for whom I’m not yet certain. A part of me thinks he’s ashamed of me. Maybe not mespecifically, but of being with me. Like people will think less of him because his wife died.
Eventually he’s going to see that all anyone wants is for him to move on and find happiness again. Am I hoping that he’ll find that with me? Of course I am. But again, something I will keep to myself... for now.
“So, do you want to go to the hot tub?” I ask, following Abel down the hallway into the massive kitchen. He heads over to the back counter where there are several liquor bottles lining the top.
