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This is how it’s supposed to be.
This... With Alec.
And I know with absolute certainty that I’ll never be the same again.
——
“Can I ask you something?” Alec’s voice filters through the darkness of my room.
“Sure.” My voice is soft, barely breaking the surface.
“If I lived here in New York, would you want to be with me?”
“What do you mean?” I stupidly ask, not sure how to answer his question.
Would I want to be with him? The answer is simple. Of course I would. Hell, I want to be with him now even though he lives hundreds of miles away.
“Exactly as it sounds. If I lived here in New York, would you want to be with me?”
“But you don’t live in New York.” Instead of giving him a straightforward answer, I dodge his inquiry.
“I know.” He shifts to his side so that we’re facing each other. The room is dark but I can still make out the shape of his face.
Tonight has been like a dream. A dream I never want to wake up from. But I have a nagging feeling that when the sun rises and washes away this perfect night, things will be a lot more complicated than they seem right now.
“But what if I transferred here?”
“Transferred here? As in New York?”
“Yeah.”
“Alec, you can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because you love where you are. You love your classes. You’ve even landed a T.A. position with a professor that has the ability to open a ton of doors for you.”
“And?”
“And, why would you want to give that up?”
“Is it so hard to believe that you’re more important than where I go to school?”
“Yes,” I answer bluntly.
“You have no idea how much I care about you, do you?”
His question has my heart kicking against my ribcage.
“But you said so yourself. You decided to attend school in Missouri so that you could live at home and not be strapped down with an excessive amount of debt when you graduate.”
“It’s just money.”
“Justmoney?” I balk at him. “No, Alec, it’s your future. And I can’t ask you to do that. Not for me.”
“You didn’t ask,” he points out.
“Even still, you know as well as I do that you moving here isn’t the right choice. As much as I selfishly want you here with me, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I let you give up everything you’ve worked for to come to New York.”
