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ChapterNine
“Josh. Would you just talk to me?” I ask, following him down the hall towards the office. It's been three days since he walked in on me and Bentley and I have yet to smooth things over with him.
The first day, radio silence. I tried to call and text him multiple times with no response. I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived at work yesterday but Josh avoided me my entire shift and even left for the night before I did. I promised myself that no matter what it takes, he will talk to me tonight. Though up to this point, he hasn't made the task easy on me.
“Josh.” I say again, reaching out to grab his arm just as he tries to slip into his office. He spins in place and pins his dark eyes directly on mine. “Let me explain.” I plead, not missing the way his features soften at my words only to harden again within seconds.
“I have work to do Logan.” He says, attempting to turn back towards the door. Okay, well at least he said actual words. That's a start.
“Josh.” I say, grabbing his arm again, trying my damnedest to not let him just avoid this conversation. “We need to talk.” I say, when he flips his eyes back towards me. “Please.” I say again.
“There's nothing to talk about. Now if you will excuse me.” He says, shaking my hand off his arm and pushing his way inside the office. He attempts to close the door in my face but I am having none of that. Wedging my foot in the crease of the door, I block his ability to shut it. As if he doesn't have the strength to fight me, he simply shrugs his shoulders and crosses the room, taking a seat behind his desk.
“I know I hurt you.” I say, stepping into the small space and closing the door behind me. He doesn't attempt to look at me as I take a seat in one of the chairs sitting directly across from him.
“You didn't hurt me.” He surprises me by actually speaking.
“Then maybe you could explain to me why you are treating me like this.” I challenge, straightening my posture.
“I'm just disappointed in you, that's all.” He says, scribbling his signature on the document in front of him and then flipping to the next page without looking up at me.
“Disappointed in me?” I question, a little taken back by his words.
“Logan, I am extremely busy. Can you please go now?” He says, scribbling on another paper and then thumbing through a few more pieces.
“No.” I say, my voice clipped.
“No?” He questions, finally meeting my gaze.
“I am not leaving here until we resolve this. I care about you Josh. I consider you a friend and I want things to be okay between us.” I say honestly.
“A friend.” He states, his mouth pulling up in smile that is the furthest thing from happy. “You fuck all your friends?” His words are riddled with anger and it isn't until this moment, that I see how upset he really is.
“Don't.” I say, my own anger showing through. “You knew what this was going in. You knew that we would never be anymore than what we were. And yes, I do consider you a friend. I care about you deeply. But don't pretend like I somehow led you into this arrangement under false pretenses.”
“Bentley fucking Reed Logan!” His words cut through the small office and echo off the walls around us as the last remaining hold on his temper snaps away. “Of all people.” He pauses, meeting my gaze with dark eyes. “I know him Logan. I know what he does to girls like you. I've seen it, multiple times. So tell me, what happens when he makes you want everything that he is and then pulls the rug out from underneath you and leaves you more broken than you were when he got here? What happens when he promises you the world and then breaks every single promise? What happens when it all falls apart around you and you have no one left to pick up the pieces?”
“We were kissing Josh.” I say, unable to sit any longer. Pushing myself out of the chair, I hover at the edge of the desk. “It's not like I intend on marrying the man. Hell, I don't even know him. I'm not even entirely sure I want to know him. So why don't you tell me what this is really about?” My tone is clipped as I cross my arms in front of my chest and wait for him to respond.
He pushes into a slow stand, his eyes finding mine and not blinking away for even a second. “Get out of my office Logan.” He warns.
“Not until we settle this.” I say, ready to stand here the entire night if that's what it takes.
“For fuck sake Logan. Are you that fucking blind?” He screams across the desk at me, his voice taking on a nervous shake. “When I saw you two together, I felt like someone gutted me. I wasn't prepared to feel that.” He says. “I know we aren't exclusive. I know that you don't want a relationship. But that doesn't mean that it didn't slice me to my core to see you in his arms.” He takes a deep breath as if to steady himself. “And yes, I was disappointed in you. Because I thought you were different. I have watched countless woman fall at that man's feet and you know what, it never bothered me. But you.” He says, his gaze softening. “I thought.... Hell, I don't know what I thought.”
“Josh.” I say softly, taking a step forward until just the desk separates us. “It didn't mean anything. Yes, I'm attracted to him. But I am not like all the others. I am not stupid, nor am I blind. I see him for the man he is. And you know what, that's okay with me. I don't want anything from him. This isn't about him. It's about us.” I say, pausing as I carefully choose my next words. “It's clear that you want more than I can give you and for that, I'm sorry. You're an amazing man and any girl would be so lucky to have you. But.....”
“You aren't interested in more.” He finishes my sentence, his eyes taking on a sadness I'm not prepared for.
“I think we have let this go far enough. Dragging this out will only make it harder to walk away. I can't be the girl you need Josh. And I can't give you what you want. But I meant what I said. I do care about you deeply. And I don't want to hurt you anymore.” I say, taking a deep breath. “This has to end.”
“I know.” He says, shaking his head slightly.
“I will give you some time to sort things out but I don't want to lose you.” I say, reaching across the desk and giving his hand a squeeze before releasing it.
“Logan.” His words stop me as I turn towards the door. Turning back towards him, the moment I register the pain on his face, it's like something has knocked all the wind from me and I am left gasping for air. “Be careful.” He says, reclaiming his seat and turning his attention back to the paperwork in front of him without another glance in my direction.
I want to protest. Say there is no reason that I need to be careful because nothing more is going to happen. But even I can't bring myself to utter the words I know aren't true. Truth is, Friday night only made me more curious about Bentley and the hold he seems to have over my body.
