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Chapter
Twenty-Eight
I spend the next day and a half holed up in the studio. I called into the club last night claiming I was sick and continued the lie by calling in again tonight.I have kept my phone off and instructed Patty under no circumstances to tell anyone where I am. Other than going home to change and get my car, I have not left.
I know it's only a matter of time before I have to face the world again, but right now, I just don't want to. This is the first time since my injury that I feel like I have lost more than I can bare and the feeling is crippling.
So instead of dealing with the issue head on, I do what I always do. I turn to dance. After eating my third muffin of the day from the coffee shop across the street, and changing into a long black tank and gray leggings, I make my way through the empty space, flipping on the lights to my favorite studio room as I enter. Crossing the space to the radio controls, I flip through a few songs before I finally settle on “The Heart Wants What it Wants” by Selena Gomez.
I don't realize it until the words surround me, just how perfectly fitting this song is to my situation and as I begin to move across the floor, I can feel the emotion and pain creeping up inside of me. I know it seems ridiculous. I have only known Bentley a short time and have spent even less time actually with him, but that doesn't dull the emotion. The pull, the truth screaming back at me through my reflection in the mirror.
None of that matters. I let him in. For the first time in my life I let someone in that has the ability to break me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. From that first night together I knew. I knew that something in me had changed. I fought it. I denied it. I refused to acknowledge it's existence and yet, it found me just the same.
The truth of the song bounces off the walls around me and I put every ounce of that emotion into my moves, my technique. It's the only way I know to release it. The pain and the happiness. The hurt and the love. It's the only way I can cleanse my body of the toxins that are slowly poisoning me. The heart may want what it wants, but that doesn't mean it's what it needs.
Tender moments with Bentley flash before my eyes. His dimple filled smile. The way he handles me with such care like I am this fragile piece of glass that will shatter if dropped. The way he touches my body, so gently but also with so much command. And the way he kisses me, so tenderly and yet so full of passion at the same time. Bentley Reed is the perfect contradiction.
But then I see the past. The person I know he's capable of being. The person he still is. The image of him and Cora takes forefront in my mind, causing the jealously to creep back in and consume every happy memory I have, making the only thing that matters, the one thing he didn't do right.
As much as I try to remind myself that at no point did he promise me anything, I still can't help but feel like he promised me the world and then ripped the rug out from underneath me. It has nothing to do with his money or his power. But everything to do with the man he let me see.
I bet I am not the first girl to feel this way about him. I'm sure I am just at the end of a very long list of hearts he has broken along the way. And yet, the thought of my heart being broken confuses me more than anything. In order for him to break my heart, he would have had to possess it. But isn't that exactly what he's done?
As the song winds down and I feel the defeat creep back in, I collapse down onto my knees and drop my head into my hands. I love him. I can't believe I didn't see it before. Me, the girl who doesn't do feelings or love, just handed her heart over to the one man that is known for breaking them.
“Logan.” The sound of his voice echoing off the walls around me is so strong, I swear he's really here and I'm not just hearing things. Maybe I really am losing my mind. Maybe the reason I don't love is because I am incapable of handling the pain that comes along with it.
“Logan.” I hear him again, this time realizing it's not in my head. Glancing up, I jump slightly at the sight of him in the doorway. He's watching me like he's not sure what his next move should be. Like he's afraid to step towards me and yet, the look in his eyes says that's all he wants to do.
“How did you get in here?” I ask, quickly jumping to my feet and pulling myself together, determined not to let him see just how much this whole situation has gutted me.
“The door was unlocked. I followed the music.” He says, apologetic. “Your dancing. That was incredible.” He says, giving away that he has probably been standing there a lot longer than I realized.
Crossing the room, I quickly power off the music and then start gathering my things. “I mean, I knew you could dance. Just not like that.” He says, continuing to talk when I don't respond. “I just need a minute. Please.” He says, watching me prepare to leave.
“What?” I ask, turning to face him, for the first time really looking at him. His hair is messier than usual and there are dark circles under his eyes that I have not seen before. His white t-shirt looks like he slept in it, partnered with faded jeans, he looks like a man that simply does not care and yet, still looks like the most beautiful person in the world at the same time.
“I know why you left Sunday.” He says, not moving from his place inside the door frame, clearly trying to eliminate my ability to walk away from the conversation.
“Then you know why you should leave now.” I respond emotionless. Dropping my dance bag on the floor, I sit down and pull out my flip flops, kicking off my dance shoes before slipping them on.
“It's not what it must have looked like.” He says. “Cora kissed me not the other way around. It was a last ditch effort to try to get me to change my mind. It didn't work.”
“I'm sorry but I think you have mistaken me for someone who cares about your little girlfriends. So let me clarify. I don't care.” I say, climbing to my feet and swinging my bag over my shoulder.
“Is that why you're avoiding me? Why you left with Josh? Because you don't care?” His voice takes on an edge I have never heard before and it's clear to see that he is battling with some issues of his own.
“Josh drove me here because my ride waspreoccupied.” I put an emphasis on the last word, making sure he recognizes my point.
“And making out with him, was that because I waspreoccupiedtoo?” He asks, causing my stomach to knot tightly at the thought. Surely not. “You think I didn't know you were in the car with Josh? You think I didn't follow you? I knew exactly where you would go and I was right.”
“Well then you must be very proud of yourself.” I shrug like I couldn't care less either way.
“Why are you acting like this?” He asks, taking a step inside the room.
“Acting like what?” I ask, the defensiveness in my voice clearly blowing my attempt at keeping it cool.
“Like I did something unforgivable to you and you didn't turn around and do the exact same thing. Do you think that was easy for me? To see him kiss you that way? It fucking gutted me. I was ready to jump out of my car and beat the shit out of him but then you stopped him. You didn't invite him in, you didn't want him. And that's when I knew.” He says, taking another step towards me.
