AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’m jealous.
Plain and simple.
I don’t want to want him.
I’ve never wanted to want him.
But I always have.
In some way, shape, or form, I’ve always wanted him.
Ignoring it became my specialty; something I perfected over the years.
I built an armor around myself. Strong and impenetrable, it protected me the way I needed it to, but it was only meant for a single battle. It wasn’t constructed for a war. And war is exactly what this turned into the day I moved into this apartment.
I should have known I couldn’t do it. That it would only be a matter of time before my armor began to chip. How could it not? It was only designed to shield me from what I was forced to endure at that time. The mean comments. The sneers. The different girlfriends every other week. The feeling like I would never be good enough. Things that were easy to block out because I could escape it. I kept my head down and moved through the battlefield, dodging land mines at every turn. But now here I am, smack dab in the middle of a mine field and there’s no escape in sight.
Everywhere I turn he’s there.
In the place I live. In my classes. Showing up randomly at my work.
I can’t shake him.
I can’t close my eyes and pretend.
Even when I can’t see him, I feel him. I smell him. I sense him all around me.
“Barlow.” He raps lightly on the door, causing me to jump.
“If you need to use the bathroom, you’re going to need to wait. I need to take a shower.” It’s a lie, obviously, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do exactly that.
Pushing away from the sink, I cross to the bathtub.
“I don’t need to use the bathroom.”
“Well, then whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait.” I try to keep my voice void of any emotion.
Flipping on the water, the sound fills the small space, making it harder to hear his next words.
“Barlow, will you please open the door? Just for a second?”
“Dude, what part of I’m taking a shower are you having trouble with? I get that you probably want to wash after what you had your dick in but you’re going to have to wait.”
Boom! Mic drop.
I mentally pat myself on the back.
It’s something old Barlow would have said. And by old Barlow, I mean Barlow from two weeks ago. Funny how quickly a person can lose sight of who they are.
“I didn’t have my dick in her.”
I can barely hear him over the water so I’m fairly certain I heard that wrong. One, he would never deny fucking someone. He’s a boaster – always has been. And two, I don’t think he’s ever been alone with a girl and not had his dick in her, with the exception of me.
Either way I ignore him, pulling the lever to divert the water to the shower head before I slip my clothes off and slide under the hot stream.
——
“Are you fucking kiddingme?” I jump when I open the door to find Atlas leaning against the wall across from the bathroom, waiting for me. “Privacy?” I tighten the towel wrapped around my damp body.
