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“I’m sorry you had to give up your entire life for me.”
“Don’t you dare apologize. Raising you has been the greatest joy of my life and I would have taken you no questions asked. But your father didn’t give me a choice. I did what he said and that was all there was to it. You don’t know how many times I wanted to tell you about your mother. How many times I almost did. But I knew I couldn’t. I tried my best to make things seem as normal as possible for you, especially as you started to get older. But I always feared that something was lurking in the shadows, waiting to rip the rug out from under us. And it did.”
“Were you scared of my father?”
“Terrified,” she admits. “Especially after you went missing.”
“Why? What happened?”
“He blamed me. Said it was my fault. That I had gotten sloppy. He threatened to skin me alive and laugh while he watched me bleed out.”
A full body shiver runs through me.
“So he really was a monster,” I say more to myself than to her.
“The worst kind of person you can be tangled up with. The only thing that kept me going all these years was knowing that as long as I kept you safe, we’d never have to see him. He wasn’t foolish enough to come around. He knew better.”
“I don’t get it though. If he was such a monster, why did he care what happened to me?”
“I don’t doubt that in his own twisted way he loved you. You were his flesh and blood and as such, an extension of him. But Mila,” she pauses, choosing her next words carefully. “It’s better that you never had a chance to know him. And we’re both better off now that he’s gone.”
I consider her words. They’re not far from what Mateo told me. At least I know he was truthful about some things. Not that it excuses what he did. It doesn’t. It just makes him more like my father than he realizes.
“So what happens now?”
“We return to our normal lives. Now that Esteban is gone, so is the threat against you. No one will have anything to gain by coming after you. We’re finally free.”
Free.
I’m not even sure I know what that means anymore.
“Mateo,” I start. “The man who took me. He’s planning to seize control of the Herrera Cartel.”
“Let him. We aren’t a part of that world, Mila. We never were.” Something on my face must tell her something my words don’t, because when she continues it’s like she can see right inside my head. “You cared for him. This man?”
“I did.” I swallow hard. “I do. I know it sounds crazy, but he was good to me. He treated me well and in time I came to have feelings for him. But then I learned it was all a lie. That his plan was to lower my guard, to get close to me so that when he moved to take control of my father’s cartel, he wouldn’t get as much resistance. I guess he thought if Esteban’s daughter were standing by his side, most of the men would fall in line.” I shake my head. “I feel so stupid.”
“Oh, my sweet girl.” She pulls me into a hug. “Men like that aren’t capable of loving you the way you deserve. They’re murderers. Criminals. They live by a very different code.”
“But he... Mateo.” Just saying his name causes my chest to constrict. “I thought he was different.” My mother releases me, sliding her hands into mine.
“Because that’s what he wanted you to think. Everything is a game with these men. We’re all just chess pieces. But it’s over now. It’s over and you can move on knowing you’ll never have to see him again.”
I don’t ever want to see him again...
But if that’s true, then why does the thought of never seeing his face, never feeling the warmth of his touch, or the fire of his kiss leave me feeling even more defeated.
Because you love him...the little voice in my head reminds me.
“Will you tell me more about my mom?” I ask, my voice weak.
She nods, a small smile tugging at her lips.
“I would love nothing more. You’re so much like her, you know? You have this fire inside of you. Like you’re not afraid of anything. She was that way too. Fearless. I think that’s why she fell for your father. The danger, the unpredictability of it all. You have to know, I never wanted to take her place. I know I couldn’t replace your real mom, and I never wanted to. I just wanted to give you the best life that I knew how.”
“You didn’t replace my mom. You are my mom. In every way that matters,” I tell her, tears once again filling my eyes.
“I was so scared that you would hate me.” She chokes on a sob that works its way into her throat.
