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“I could never hate you. I know now that you did what you did to protect me, and for that I could never be angry with you.”
“My beautiful girl.” She reaches up and touches my face. “You are so strong. Stronger than I will ever be. You will get through this. I know you will.”
“I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too. Every single day I prayed that you would come back to me. I felt so helpless. Esteban made it clear that I was to continue on with my daily routine as if nothing had happened. To tell anyone that asked about you that you’d taken an unexpected trip out of the country. It wasn’t easy. Especially where Skyla was concerned. She called almost every day, asking when you’d be home and why your cell phone kept going straight to voicemail. I think she knew I was lying to her.”
“I’ll make sure to call her as soon as we’re home.” Though I have no idea what I’m going to say to her. She’s my best friend. I can’t lie to her. But the idea of rehashing the last few weeks with anyone feels impossible.
Even sitting here, talking to my mom, I can’t let myself admit out loud what happened during my time with Mateo. I can’t tell her about the nights I spent in his arms. About how his kiss made me feel like I was floating and his smile made it hard for me to breathe. I can’t tell her that I didn’t just care about him, but that I was in love with him. That I was willing to walk away from everyone and everything for the chance to be with him. And I would have too.
I’m just thankful I learned the truth in time.
The truth that Mateo never felt the same.
The truth that every move he made was intentional and with purpose.
The wound is still so fresh. The pain still so real. It’s suffocating.
“Now, what do you say we eat some pizza and I’ll tell you more about your mom. How does that sound?”
Again, the thought of food makes my stomach curl in on itself, but knowing I need to try to get something in my system, I reluctantly agree.
——
“WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?” Skyla is standing outside on the sidewalk, waiting for me when I exit the restaurant.
After hiding out for nearly two weeks, I finally decided it was time to stop wallowing and take back control of my life. And while I thought that meant picking up where I left off, the minute I walked into the restaurant I used to work at, I knew I was wrong.
The manager barely got two words in before I turned and headed straight back out the door, feeling like I might suffocate at any moment.
“It’s a no go,” I tell her with a swift shake of my head.
“What an asshole. Do you want me to go in there and rearrange his face? Because I’ll do it.”
“Calm down, killer.” I laugh. “It wasn’t him. It was me. I thought this is what I wanted but I realize that going back to the way things were isn’t what I need. Because I’m not the same person I was before I left.”
“Oh.” Her face falls slightly. “So then what’s the plan?”
“Honestly, I have no idea,” I admit, looping my arm through hers as we head down the sidewalk together.
It took me a few days to finally open up to Skyla, but once I did, it felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my chest. To be able to talk about it, without fear of judgement, without worrying what she would think of me when it was all said and done. I didn’t realize how much I needed that until the words were pouring out of my mouth.
She was shocked, of course. Appalled. Maybe a little scared. But given what I unloaded on her, she took it all in great stride.
“Hey, I know what you need,” she announces after a long bout of silence.
“What’s that?”
“Greasy bar food and a good stiff drink.” She gives me a cheeky smile, tugging me toward the street.
“I don’t think alcohol is a good idea.” Still following her across the street. I already know where she’s taking me.Mulligans. It’s her go to spot. Her cure all, she calls it.
“Are you kidding? Alcohol is always a good idea.” She bumps her hip into mine playfully.
“Fine. But if you’re going to force me to go toMulligans, you’re sharing a blooming onion with me.”
She curls her nose. She hates onions.
