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“Because I’m a damn good business woman.” Her statement is matter of fact.
After filling her in on my return flight details, she agrees to pick me up at the airport later tonight. By the time I finally get off the phone, my coffee is bordering cold and my muffin doesn't look near as appetizing as it did when I ordered it, but knowing I need to get something on my stomach, I force it down anyway.
My mind swirls around ideas for the fall festival cake, and while Westin's face continues to pop into my head every few minutes, Kari provided me with a big enough distraction to get me home in one piece.
I exit the diner just after ten-thirty, tugging my small suitcase behind me.
Auburn seems the same, yet so much different than when I lived here. There are new shops and stores on every corner and very little left of the town I knew as a child.
I thank God every day that I was able to make it out of here with some shred of myself left. Even if I had to wait two years after Westin was gone to make my escape, the point is that I made it. And no matter how difficult those two years were, with all the memories of Westin surrounding me, I somehow found the strength to push my way through.
To this day, I don't know how I survived two years with my parents without Westin there to act as my buffer. My parents may have treated me poorly, but they loved Westin. Handsome, charming, and full of potential. I think in a way my father favored him over me all along.
My mother and father were in an uproar after I left, and no doubt spun their web of lies and deception to all the neighbors and their friends about how I was off studying abroad or doing some other fantastic thing with my life. Anything to take the focus off of them and what horrible parents they actually are.
Even though I was a good kid, I never lived up to what they expected of me. My mother wanted me to be a beauty queen and as such, I spent the first eleven years of my life parading on a stage in front of people wearing the most ridiculous outfits. The day I told her I didn't want to do it anymore was the day she stopped finding a reason to talk to me.
My father wanted me to be a brain. Swearing to anyone who would listen that one day I was going to follow in his shoes and go to Harvard Law. And I almost went through with it. I almost let him push me into a path I had no desire to follow.
But Kari gave me an out and I took it. Offering me the chance to live with her in Maine while I followedmydream of attending Culinary School and one day, owning my own bakery.
I'll never forget the day I left. The way my parents looked at me like they had never been so disappointed in someone in their entire lives. My mother still tries to convince me, when I do brave a phone call to the house, that I’m throwing my life away. Wasting all my potential. At least she still talks to me. My father has barely acknowledged my existence since I left.
And Kari, well let's just say that my mother no longer has a sister in her eyes. And I don't think Kari cares one bit. She’s fifteen years younger than my mom, and only nine years older than me, which makes us more like sisters than them. At least that's how we’ve always treated each other.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother calling home at all. I guess no matter how manipulative and controlling they can be, they are still my parents. And as much as it pains me, I do love them.
Without realizing it, I’ve wandered a good four blocks and am nearing the entrance of the park that I used to play at as a child. It's run down and definitely seen better days, but that doesn't stop me from propping my suitcase next to the fence and taking a seat on one of the rusted swings.
Being back here, in California, in Auburn, brings up so many emotions and memories that I haven't thought about in years. Westin being the memory that sticks with me above all others.
I still don’t understand the hold he has on me.
I guess in a way, no matter how much time passes, a part of me will always be that young girl. And Westin will always be the boy I loved above all else. He owns a part of me. I think it’s about time I accept that he always will.
But we’re not children anymore.
And I’ve come too far to let the memory of what we used to be derail me.
Westin is my past.
I think it’s about damn time I learn to leave him there.
——
ICATCH A CAB TO THEairport and arrive two solid hours before my flight is scheduled to leave. After passing through security, I find a waiting area near my terminal and plop down, setting my suitcase on the floor between my legs.
Popping in my ear buds, I find the most upbeat song on my playlist and hit play, refusing to let myself get pulled down by the turn of events that have taken place in the last twenty-four hours.
I need to get on the plane. Get away from Auburn. Away from Westin and all the painful memories this place holds for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have some really amazing memories here, but very few that aren’t overshadowed by the bad.
The music blocks everything out as I lean my head back and close my eyes, getting lost in the heavy beat.
I don't realize someone has taken the seat next to me until I feel a light touch to my arm. I jump, my eyes popping open as I turn to find Westin smiling at me.
At first I think I’m seeing things.
I blink once. Twice. Three times. Every time expecting him to be gone when my eyes slide back open.
