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The waiter finally shows up to top off my glass and I ask him to leave the bottle. Thanking him before taking a huge gulp of wine, I turn my attention back to Carson. If he sees how uncomfortable I am, he doesn't let on.
“Anyway, after you took off that night, I really started thinking. Then seeing you with that guy last weekend, I don't know, it really kind of made things real for me.” He reaches across the table to rest his hand on mine.
I take another drink of wine. At this point, I’ve decided to not even set the glass down. This is so not what I need right now. Two weeks ago I would have been open to hear what he’s saying to me. What girl doesn't want to have a man like Carson? But that was two weeks ago and two weeks ago was very different from today.
“Carson, I...” I start, but he doesn't let me continue.
“Please just let me get this out before I can't.” He pulls in a heavy breath. “I'm in love with you, Scarlett.” In an instant my heart is hammering holes in my chest. “I’m in love with you and I want to be with you, for real. I want commitment and dates and holding hands on the sidewalk. I want it all,” he says, flinching slightly when I pull my hand back.
“Carson, listen. Things right now.” I shake my head. “Well, let's just say that I’m not in a very good place. Some things have been going on here recently and honestly, I'm having a really hard time sorting through what I want right now.” I stop to gauge his reaction, which to this point has been unreadable. “You're an amazing man. And any woman would be so lucky to have you in her life. But I just think, at least for right now, that we should keep it as friends. You know?”
“Oh.” He stares blankly back at me.
Honestly, I think he's in shock. I really think he expected this to go very differently, and it probably would have had Westin not,once again, turned my life upside down.
“I'm not saying never. Just not right now. I need to figure things out and get myself on more stable ground before I bring someone else into this chaos,” I say, gesturing to my head.
A crooked smile pulls up the side of his mouth and for a moment, I relax slightly. “I get it.” He leans back in his chair. “I won't lie, I'm disappointed. But I would rather wait until you're ready than to push you into something you don't want.”
His response only makes the anger I feel towards Westin more intense. Why did he have to come along and fuck everything up? Why, for once, can I not do what I know is right for me? Carson is amazing and I know he would treat me well. So why can I not agree to try it out?
I know the answer without having to ask the question again. Because I’m in love with someone else. No matter how much I hate him, I love him even more.
“You're amazing, you know that?” For the first time since he picked me up, a genuine smile slides across my face.
“Says the girl who just shot me down.” He laughs lightly and then winks.
“Well, you can at least let me buy you dinner to make up for it.”
“Not a chance. You saying no means I need to turn up my game, not have you paying formydinner.”
I can't help but laugh at him as I shake my head. “You're too much.”
“Is that why you won't agree to be my girlfriend? I thought being too much was a good thing.” He looks down to his groin and then back to me, raising his eyebrows up and down.
I instantly burst into laughter.
The rest of the dinner goes by without the heaviness that it started with. Carson jokes and does his best to make me laugh throughout, and by the time he walks me to my door right after nine, I can honestly say that I have thoroughly enjoyed my evening with him.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say, giving him a brief hug.
“Thank you for agreeing to go with me.” He leans down, placing a kiss to my cheek.
I expect him to pull away, but he doesn't. Instead, he turns inward and finds my mouth, brushing my lips with his. I don't want to lead him on but at the same time, I don't want to hurt him. Because of this, I do the only thing I know to do, I kiss him back.
It's soft and gentle at first, but then he moves for more. Pulling my body flush with his, I can feel his arousal against my stomach as he pushes his tongue into my mouth. Not in a forceful way, but more like trying to see how far I will let him go.
“Carson.” I finally break away from his mouth and step out of his embrace.
“I know. I know. I'm sorry. I got carried away.” He smiles before dipping down to kiss my forehead. “Goodnight, Scarlett,” he whispers, before spinning around and walking away, leaving me standing alone to watch him disappear into the darkness of the night.
