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Heart hammering, I quickly cross the small room and pull down the picture held in place by a small sliver of tape. It's of me and Westin. I don't remember this particular photograph, but I know it was taken sometime shortly before Westin left. We are at the beach, lying on a towel together. One of those pictures that we took ourselves.
I’m curled into Westin, my lips pressed against his cheek, while he smiles brightly up at the camera. You can see the sand beneath us and the sunshine reflecting around us. It's the perfect picture to sum up our time together.
It’s only then, as I stare at the younger versions of the two people that have found each other again, that I realize my mother is still jabbering away in my ear.
“I'm sorry, mother. I have to go,” I say, not able to pull my eyes away from the picture.
“I swear, do you have any manners?” she nips, clearly offended by my lack of enthusiasm over our conversation.
“I don't know. I mean, I am your daughter after all.” I can't resist the urge to take a jab at her, no matter how unnecessary it may be. Sometimes it makes me feel better.
“I never...” she starts, but I cut her off.
“I'll call you later, okay?” I say, hitting the end button before reaching up and pulling down the picture from the back of the door.
I walk to the couch numbly, not able to pull my eyes away from the picture of my sixteen year old self. God, I remember how good it felt to be with Westin back then. Very much the way it is to be with him today, only on a different playing field.
Back then I was weak, scared, determined to break free from my family, but convinced I probably never would. Then, Westin came along. He showed me possibility and a future I had only ever dreamed of. He believed in me and in turn, he made me believe in myself.
Flipping the photograph over in my hands, my eyes immediately begin to tear up as I take in the message he scrawled across the back.
I was too blind then to see what was right in front of my face.
I won't make that mistake again.
I love you, Scarlett. I loved you then and I love you now.
Don't lose sight of that.
-Westin
I wipe away the stray tear that manages to escape my eye, before reading the message again. It's only then that I notice the faded writing in the bottom right corner. Turning on the table lamp next to me, I squint, trying to make out the words.
Scarlett Ryan
My forever
2010
I run my finger across the words he wrote so long ago. Words that, for whatever reason, I’m now truly believing he meant. Maybe he really did love me. Maybe something beyond our control is the reason for our separation. Maybe...
But even as I think it, as I hope it, I shake the thought away. Nothing would have made me leave his side.Nothing. I never would have chosen the path he did. And that is where we are different. He said he couldn't love me the way I needed to be loved. What does that even mean?
Yet, he kept this picture. Years later he still has it, and not only that, but he chose to leave it here for me to find. Why? To reassure me. To show me that his feelings are true. Or is he telling me something else entirely?
Maybe he did love me back then the way I needed him to, but maybe I couldn't love him the way he needed. The thought had never occurred to me until now.
I lie back down on the couch, looking at the picture again before holding it next to my heart. Words simply cannot describe the amount of raw emotion coursing through me.
I know Westin is in the air, and will be for a few more hours, but I almost consider calling him just to listen to his voicemail, wanting nothing more than to hear his voice. Deciding against it, I curl onto my side on the couch, propping the picture on the coffee table in front of me before tossing my phone next to it.
Is it really possible that after all these years, Westin and I may have actually found our way back to each other, and being together is within our grasp? It seems unreal, but I know it's there. Hanging right in front of me. All I have to do is reach out and take it.
——
IT'S BEEN NEARLY TWOweeks since Westin flew back home to California. Two weeks filled with late night phone calls after he gets off work and sweet text messages throughout the day.
I know that he says he loves me. I know that he said the whole ordeal with Kate is over and we’ve moved past it. But that doesn't erase my uneasiness where that situation is concerned. If my father had something to do with it in the first place, he’ll no doubt have more to say about Westin's sudden change of heart.
