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Chapter Fifteen
It's been a littleover a month since I received the life altering news from the doctor’s office. While finding out that Westin and I created a baby together proved to be my breaking point at the time, I now feel a renewed sense of hope for my life.
Sure, it was hard to grasp at first. Denial racked through me for days. I refused to believe it. How could I be pregnant? The girl that has been on the same birth control for nearly eleven years and never missed a day?
It didn't seem possible. Or at least that was the case, until I had my first ultrasound. Seeing the tiny bean that is my baby and the flash of his or her little heartbeat. Well, it was enough to not only make me believe, but to make me fall in love all over again, only in an entirely different way. According to the doctor, we conceived in early October, which puts me now just entering my second trimester.
No, this wasn't my plan. This wasn't the life that I mapped out in my head. I thought I would be older, married, settled down with a house and a dog. But life doesn't always work out the way we plan.
While Westin's phone calls have become less frequent, especially through the holidays, he still calls at least a couple of times a week. I don't know if he calls because he actually wants to talk to me, or if it's become some sort of challenge for him. See how long he can call before I finally pick up the phone?
Obviously, he has no idea about the baby, and honestly I don't know if I'm going to tell him. I know that sounds horrible and makes me feel equally so, but at the end of the day, I have to do what's right for my baby. The last thing I want is for this child to grow up in an environment like I did.
Not that I would ever let that happen, but it's my fear. My fear is what keeps me on that edge. Afraid to make the wrong move. It's not just me I have to think about anymore. I have a tiny, helpless human growing inside of me. A baby. A baby that Ihaveto protect.
Kari has made the process so much easier. Going with me to my appointments and spending her evenings either at my apartment or on the phone with me discussing ideas and names for the baby.
I keep telling her she's getting ahead of herself but she doesn't seem to think so. I know she's right when she's says the baby will be here before I know it. I know I need to start planning and figuring out my next moves. I just can't quite seem to get myself there just yet.
But Kari refuses to let me wait around. She's already offered to let me and the baby move in with her, insisting she has more room than she really needs. While I appreciate the offer, I’m determined to do this on my own. My apartment may not be much, but it will be plenty for now.
Despite the fact that I have been dragging my feet, somehow Kari managed to drag me out with her today to buy some supplies for the baby. Having only a handful of friends and Kari as my only family, a big baby shower is out, leaving me to buy most of the things on my own.
Luckily, I have the means to do so, and Kari has gone above and beyond on her part as Great Aunt. Buying me more bottles, blankets, and bibs than I think I will ever use.
“What do you think about this one?” she asks, running her hand along a beautiful white sleigh style crib.
“I love it,” I answer honestly. I reach for the price tag, but Kari smacks my hand away.
“Nope. This is my treat.” She smiles widely at me.
“Kari, you've bought enough,” I whine, outright pouting in the middle of the store.
“And I will continue to do so until I get it out of my system.” She pulls the tag off the crib and walks toward the service counter, turning for a moment to stick out her tongue playfully at me.
Two hours later, I finally make it back to the bakery with more shopping bags than I ever thought I could carry. At this rate, this baby will have everything he or she needs before I’m even halfway through this pregnancy.
Leaving Maria and Jules in charge of the bakery for the day made me more than a little nervous, but as I make my way inside, everything seems to be in order. There are a couple customers at tables and Jules is leaning against the counter looking at the latest fashion magazine, no doubt.
“Scarlett?” I hear my name come from somewhere behind me. But the voice is so faint, I wonder if I actually heard it at all. Stopping, I turn slightly to my left and freeze.
“Westin.” His name falls from my lips in utter disbelief. “What... What are you doing here?” I ask, not able to move from my spot in the middle of the bakery. I'm too shocked to do anything other than stand here like a total idiot and gawk at him.
“I tried calling... For weeks. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to see you.” His eyes skate across my face.
While I will myself to stay strong and remember what this man has done to me, I still find my resolve wavering a bit. He looks good. Tired, but good. The straining muscles in my arms remind me of the bags in my hands. I look down at them, then back up to Westin.
“I have to take these up,” I say, thankful that most of the bags don't advertise where they are from. Not only am I in complete shock to see him, but I’m also hit full force with the knowledge that I now have to decide, sooner rather than later, about whether or not I’m telling him about the baby.
And that's if he doesn't figure it out on his own. It doesn't take a genius to see the slight extension of my stomach. Being a pretty small framed person, I can do very little in the way of hiding my continuously growing bump. No matter how small, it's definitely visible if you look.
Either way, I can't put this off any longer. Whether he is part of my life or the baby’s life, or neither, I need closure. I need to be able to move on and live my life and I know, deep down, I will never be able to truly do that until I can fully put this situation behind me.
“Here. I'll help you.” He reaches out and relieves me of nearly all the bags.
Not sure what else to do, I nod and quickly make my way through the bakery and up the stairs to my apartment, fully aware of how close Westin is following behind me. When I finally reach the front door, I push my way inside and drop the couple of bags still in my hands on the floor next to the door. Westin follows my lead and sits the bags he carried next to mine.
Once the door is shut behind us and he finally turns to face me, I feel like I have just entered the twilight zone. Nothing seems real. Silence settles over us like an awkward bubble and for the longest time, neither of us speaks.
