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I don't know if minutes pass or mere seconds before his voice finally breaks through the air.
“I'm so sorry.” The pain on his face is so clear that guilt hits me like a ton of bricks, knocking the wind right out of me.
Tears instantly cloud my vision and I remind myself that I need to stay calm. I can't afford to get upset and lose my temper. I have to think about the baby first. Taking a deep breath, I say the words I didn't know I was capable of saying.
“I know.” I take a seat on the couch.
His shoulders sag slightly in relief and he hesitantly crosses the space and takes a seat in the chair sitting directly across from me.
“Tell me the truth, Westin. Was any of it real?” I ask, once again having to choke back the tears.
“Every part. Running into you at the wedding was pure coincidence. It was never planned. I didn't do it on purpose. But Jonathan finding out about it was my doing. I don't even know why I told him.” He pauses, as if choosing his next words carefully. “When I came to the airport after the wedding, that was me. Not Jonathan. He didn't know anything until afterward. When I told him you were at the wedding, he insisted that I pursue you. He booked me a flight to Maine that evening. Said that I was the ticket to finally bringing his daughter home. I went along with it because it gave me the means to see you. He let me off work for long periods of time and paid for my flights. I know that doesn't make it okay, but I can't change the way I handled it. I tried to tell you. God, so many times I tried.”
“And Kate?” She’s the one part of the puzzle that’s bugged me since I found out about my father's involvement. “That's why he let it go so easily, isn't it? Because he now had his eyes set on a different prize? Hell, it was probably his idea, wasn’t it?”
“I'm so sorry, Scarlett.” He nods his head slowly. “I should have never agreed to any of it. I should have told you what was going on from the beginning. I just didn't know how to. I was so scared that you would look at me the way you are looking at me now. It's killing me to see how much you doubt me.”
“Do you blame me?” I ask, trying to keep the quiver from my voice.
“No. Of course I don't. I deserve it. I tried to tell Jonathan I was done. I was fully prepared to walk away from him and never go back. But then you showed up. You overheard us talking. I didn't have a chance to explain anything. And I know that I deserve every bit of pain I have felt over the last few weeks. It was all self-inflicted. I could deal with Jonathan. I could deal with everything. Except for the fact that I hurt you. The way you left. The way you looked at me. The things you said. That moment has played on repeat in my mind since it happened. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you.”
“But this isn't the first time,” I say, my voice trailing off slightly.
“I know.” His eyes drop to the floor for a long moment before finding my face again.
“You could have told me. About college. You could have given me an explanation. Anything. Instead of just disappearing the way that you did.” I wipe away a stray tear with the back of my hand.
“I wanted to, I did. But I didn't think you would understand. And if Jonathan found out, then my hopes of college, of a future beyond what I had would have been gone.”
“I can forgive the mistakes of a boy. But what about the mistakes of the man I thought you were? Do you really believe I could ever trust you again?”
“Scarlett. Not a day has gone by in the last ten years that I haven't thought about you. Wished that I had done things differently. And then out of nowhere, you came walking back into my life and I was so scared of losing you again, I did everything wrong. I will never be able to take away the pain I’ve caused you. But I would like the chance to be a part of your life. I love you, Scarlett. Please tell me I haven't lost you.” He pleads, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
It takes everything I have not to run into his lap. To throw myself into his arms and tell him that I forgive it all. That I love him. But I can't make myself do it. Things are not as simple as they once were.
“Westin.” I pause to take a deep breath before meeting his tear dampened face. “I'm pregnant.” I let the words fall from my lips. “I'm pregnant,” I say again, when he doesn't respond.
He looks down to my stomach, which is covered by a loose fitting sweater, and then back to my face.
“You're pregnant?” he asks, his voice full of disbelief. “Is it...” He breaks off and I realize his question without him even saying it.
“It's yours.” I swallow hard.
I thought I knew how this would go, if and when I ever said the words. But in my head, everything seemed so much simpler.
“But you... I thought you were on birth control?” The confusion on his face continues to grow.
“I was. But the doctor thinks because I was on it for so long that it lost some of its effectiveness. Regardless, the fact still remains that in six months, I’m going to have a baby.”
“I'm going to be a father?” His words get caught in his throat.
I nod slowly, afraid to open my mouth, not sure what will come out if I do.
Moments tick by in silence as he processes the news. Butterflies flap wildly in my stomach as I wait for him to say something,anything. When he finally meets my eyes again, a wide smile breaks across his face.
“We're going to have a baby!” He stands so quickly that I don't even realize what is happening until he’s pulling me to my feet and embracing me in his arms. “Scarlett, we're having a baby,” he says into my hair, holding me so tightly it's a wonder I can still manage to breathe without difficulty.
“You're okay with this?” My words are of shock and disbelief. Not that we really have a choice anymore, but I expected this to go so much differently.
