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Then, I drop it back down, and she laughs. I fall back down on top of her.
“Stay here with me until four,” she says.
“Of course.”
“No, I mean – stay inside me,” she says. “I want to hold on to this.”
I kiss her neck, nod, and think I wish that I could hold on to this forever.
???
“So, how was it?” my friend asks as we box up some of my aunt’s things at the house. “You’ve been awfully quiet about the special accommodations.”
“She got us the penthouse. It was nice,” I say.
“Just nice?” she asks.
“It was perfect,” I tell her, smiling.
She sits on the old sofa in the living room and says, “Babe, it’s not supposed to be perfect.”
“Why not?”
“Because you don’t mean perfect like it’s perfect sex; the sex you’ve always fantasized about having, and she gives that to you. I’m sure she does, that’s part of it, but that’s not all of it. You were, like, wistful just then when you said perfect.”
“So what if I was?” I say.
“It’s supposed to be just sex.”
“You two don’t always just have sex,” I say.
“We’re married,” she replies, pointing to the kitchen where her wife is making us coffee. “We’ve been together for eleven years. We go there because it lets us experience something we both want, but it’s a small part of our life together. We wake up every morning next to one another and have dinner together each night. Yes, we have an amazing sex life, and trust me, I’m grateful for that, but if she told me she wanted to quit going to these things tomorrow, I’d agree, and we’d still be us. We’d still be in love and sharing a life together. I love that woman; I’d do anything for her. I’d die for her in a heartbeat.” My friend sighs. “You two meet once a month, and it’s supposed to just be for sex, for fun. It’s supposed to be about her letting that part of herself out one night a month so that she can get through the rest of her life or get some release because her girlfriend can’t give her what she wants. It’s–”
“I get it,” I say, needing to not think about her having a girlfriend.
“Do you?” she asks softly. “I’m not trying to give you a hard time. It’s just been, what, eight months now? I know you’re going through a lot, honey, but your aunt’s gone now. You’ve taken care of her for so long, you’ve given up on finding someone. But you’re getting things taken care of now. Maybe it’s time to put yourself back out there.”
“I thought you wanted me to be with you two,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“For sex, once in a while,” she says, laughing a little. “We’re not looking for another member in our marriage. And yes, we still talk about that; doing that with you. We’d like to, but if you’re not into it, all you have to do is tell us no. You don’t have to keep saying that you’re not ready.”
“It’s not a no, though,” I tell her, sitting down next to her. “I think I…”
“It’s okay. You can tell me.”
I sigh this time and say, “I want her to be there, too.”
“To watch?”
“No, I want us all to…”
“Oh,” my friend says.
“I don’t even know if she’d want that, but I was thinking about asking her if you two are okay with it.”
“You want all four of us to be together?”
“Oh, that sounds fun,” her wife says as she enters the room with two cups of coffee in hand. “Mine is in the kitchen. Keep talking, though; I like where this is headed.”
