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“I love you for that, but… I’m sick of taking it easy,” I replied, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

She nodded. “I know. Iknow.Which is why I was giving you the update, but you weren’t supposed to take it as an opening. Not until you’re ready to come back.”

“And who decides when I’m ready to come back? You? Brandon?”

“No—you do.Tati, you say the word and I’ll step back into my normal duties. But I’d really rather you give yourself at least a damn month to just…be.”

“Sis, I’vebeen.” I laughed. “I’vebeenenough for seven bitches and I’m sick ofbeing. I need to get back to some sort of norm.”

Keira blew out yet another sigh. “I hear you, but honestly? I’m worried about you, Tati. I know, everybody copes differently with something like what you went through, but I’m scared that you’re just blocking it away, or suppressing it, or something instead of really dealing. Which I get, completely. I just don’t want that to blow back on you and be worse than it would’ve been if you’d taken a different path.”

“That’s valid,” I admitted. “Completely. But I’m not even… I don’t know… it’s not like I’m having nightmares about the assault, or like I’m scared of the dark, you know? I’m comfortable around the guys, all that. The typical reactions to something like this, for whatever reason, it’s just… not what I’m feeling.”

“Okay.” She nodded. “So… talk to me. Whatareyou feeling?”

“Vacant,” I replied. “Like I’m just notmyself.I just want to get back to me.”

“That’s why you want to get back to work? You think being back in your routine will help?”

“Partially,” I agreed. “But it’s deeper than just work. I… I haven’t orgasmed in weeks,” I revealed, getting the words out fast before I changed my mind about saying the shit aloud.

Keira twisted her face up at me, nose wrinkled and all. “Bitch… welcome to the club.” She laughed. “I don’t know what kind of schedule you were normally on, but the rest of us mortal women aren’t exactly putting up numbers in that category.”

“I’m talking aboutself-pleasure,too,” I explained, laughing at her reaction. “I know most niggas can’t find a clit without a detailed map of the topography, but I can’t even getmyselfoff. Which is… insane.”

“Oh,” she said, clearly understanding the issue now. “But… Isn’t that really common, to have a hard time enjoying any type of sex? I mean… Tati… you’re probably fucking…traumatized.”

“Not probably, definitely,” I concurred. “But that doesn’t make me hate it any less. And it’s not even just that I’m not enjoying it, it literally doesn’t feel likeanything.Like all my nerve endings just fucking froze or died. Except for when… never mind.”

“No ma’am,” Keira huffed. “You opened the line of conversation, don’t clam up now; except what?”

I groaned, mentally kicking myself for the slip. But… fuck it.

“Except… when Onyx is around.”

“Oh!” She sucked her teeth. “Girl, I thought you were about to say something surprising.”

“Wow.” I laughed. “I’m just obvious as hell with it, huh?”

“I wouldn’t sayobviousas hell,” she countered. “There’s just not really any suppressing the chemistry with the two of you. Remember when he got inked? I was pretty sure one of you was gonna end up choked. To death or completion? Couldn’t say for sure.”

“Keira!” I gasped, gripping the steering wheel tight as I laughed.

“What? Y’all were giving bigfuck me like you hate meenergy is all I’m saying.” She giggled. “And now it’s… I don’t know. More smoldering?”

“It’ssomething,” I agreed. “I kissed him.”

“What?!” Keira shrieked. “When?!”

I sighed. “A couple weeks ago.” I glanced over at her, already seeing the mental calculation happening in her head. “Yes, it was ‘too soon’. No, I don’t regret it. Yes, it was everything. No, I have not known peace since.”

“That’swhy he was all antsy the day we moved you into your new place, isn’t it?”

I frowned. “I don’t remember him being antsy.”

What I remembered was him taking the time to listen to me and not trying to force me to feel something I didn’t.

What I remembered was the heat of him between my legs, the sturdiness of his back against my breasts, the clean scent of his locs as I pressed my face into them while he whipped us along the highway on his bike.

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