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“Is everything ready for today?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
Still, Brandon confirmed it for me with a nod, assuring me that Keira had done as magnificent of a job as always with organizing the events of the day. A cookout, a pastor, time for memories and remarks.
It was going to be nice for their families.
Something to remember them with, sizable donations, all of that.
None of which would take anyone’s pain away, obviously, but it was something.
And we would always,always, do something when we could.
It was nothing less than what the remainingPredatorshad come together to do for my family when we’d lost my father. Honestly, when we’d lost Tali too. Her death had been about as far removed fromPredatorbusinessas it could be, but that didn’t make it any less…Predatorbusiness.
They put their arms around us, and I’d be damned if there was ever a moment we didn’t return the favor.
“You’re not going to ask me if I’ve seen your boy?” Blue asked, eyebrow raised. “I know he’s been hard to pin down as of late.”
I shrugged. “And he won’t change that until the very moment he’s ready to, so I’m not exactly sure what you’re trying to communicate.”
He nodded. “Okay, sore subject. Got it.”
It’s not, I started to deny, but… that wouldn’t exactly be true.
I’d expected the aftermath of all this to be different.
Expected Onyx to bepresent, expected to be able to experience him… in the light.
I thought he’d be relieved that this was all over, thought he’d be able to just…be.
The way he’d been before all this bullshit went down.
But then… it occurred to me that for him… there was never, from birth, a moment when this shitwasn’tgoing down. I didn’t really know what he was like set apart from this situation.
And… neither did he.
How could he?
I thought I’d have all the answers figured out by now, but instead it just felt like more questions.
Had he known Renard was in Vegas or had he solely come seeking conversation with his father?
If he didn’t know, was it because Margeaux hadn’t warned him?
And if hedidknow…why had he let things go the way they had?
I would have loved to have him around to provide some clarity, but instead, it was exactly Brandon stated—he’d been hard to pin down. And even when I did see him, in those hours after I woke up in the clubhouse, his presence had felt more perfunctory than loving.
He’d made sure I was okay and then got the hell out.
I suppose I couldn’t be too surprised by that; staying had neverreallybeen in his plan, but… damn. After everything, it just seemed like…
Shit.
I had to keep reframing my thinking, had to give him some grace.
My mother had talked to me about it over dinner one day – a long ass, stay the night kinda conversation where she finally filled in some details for me. Details about her life as a Rose, her relationship with my father – even the event where I remembered pulling Tali out of those rose bushes and we got chased.
It was – mostly – innocuous, but had terrified my mother, because of thewhat ifsI never really considered.
