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I shook my head. “Why?!Whydo you thinkyouneed to regulate that?”
“Because you’re…”
“Because I’mwhat? Too stupid? Too weak? Too naive?”
“Just notready,” Alicia filled in, dispelling my notions of what I thought she was going to say with an alternative I didn’t find much better.
“According to who?” I asked, more upset about it than I probably should be, because it wasn’t as if she was wrong, I just…
Why did she feel like that washerplace to decide?
“I’m just trying to protect you, Deuce,” she said, in a soothing tone that only pissed me off more. “I don’t think a rogue thorn who broke your heart is who you should use to… I don’t even know what you’re doing, because you won’t talk to me.”
“Do you think maybethisis exactly why I don’t? Because you storm in like Captain Save a Sister when you don’t need to. I understand that you’re worried about me, and that you feel guilty about what happened. But have you ever considered that it’s harder for me to move on becauseyouare so stuck in the past?”
“Guys, we’re supposed to be talking aboutmeeeeee,” Penelope interrupted, and I knew it wasn’t because she was just that self-centered. She was trying to keep this from turning into something it didn’t have to be, but I wasn’t feeling that charitable.
“If I want to pull out every trick I learned in the Garden and fuck Isaiah’s brains out for the rest of the week, I will. Or maybe I won’t. Either way, it’s not your damn business.”
“Can I just say for the record,” Pen spoke up before Alicia could, “that my therapist has been clear with me, that it’s vital for women who’ve been through the things we have to reclaim our sexuality, on our own terms, whenever we feel we’re ready. Dosh, if that’s what you’re doing, I think that’s a good thing.”
“You are not even twenty years old yet, shut up,” Alicia told her, pushing her out of the camera frame. “Listen to me, Dosh. Please don’t—”
I’d never know what the rest of that please held, because I hung up.
As far as I was concerned, I was done with that line of conversation with Alicia, because if it were up to her I’d be in a convent somewhere probably, never to be touched again.
Wait.
Why does that sound so bad?
Do Iwantto be touched again?
Could that be why all my interactions with Isaiah seemed to fluster me so bad? I’d been around other men in the time after the Garden, with varying levels of comfort. Never before though, had anyone brought out the face-heating, acceptable torture I felt around him.
As if him being thefirstperson to make me feel that way correlated somehow to him being… theonly.
That was ridiculous though…
Right?
Maybe you’d know if you’d taken David and Melanie up on their offer…
Okay.
Now I wasdefinitelybeing ridiculous.
A glance at the time told me that if I left now, I could make it over to one of the restaurants and squeeze in a late dinner. I had the option of ordering room service, but I needed to make myself more comfortable being out among people, experiencing things.
It helped that both my dinner and dessert ended up being excellent.
As much as I enjoyed the meal though, I couldn’t help continually looking around, checking over my shoulder. The obvious thing was looking for Zay, but the more insidious possibility was someone with less-than-good intentions watching, stalking me.
And I didn’t want David and Melanie sneaking up on me either.
It was with that vigilance in mind that I made my way back to my room after dinner, trying to not be completely obvious about it, while taking care to mind my surroundings. Part of me was focused on that, the other part still mulling over… everything. My brain was teeming with information, but the one subject that kept beating them all had me stopping at the door to my room, taking a seat on the bench outside instead of going inside.
It didn’t take very long for Isaiah to get the message.
