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“Hey… you’re not… scared of heights, are you?”
“What? Nah, I’m not scared of heights. I’m fundamentally opposed to unnecessary risks.”
“Oh my God,” I left. “You arescared of thisaren’t you?!”
“I’m notscared,I’m healthily concerned about this shit,” he corrected as the zipline attendant walked up to us.
“All right, y’all,” he said. “Whose going first?”
“He is,” I chimed, before Zay could answer.
“The hell I am,” he denied.
“Youhaveto go first, so you can wait for me,” I giggled. “It’ll give you the chance to figure out any danger that might lay ahead.”
“I’m looking at the danger—it’s right there,” he said, pointing out at the treetops.
“Wow… You are more nervous about this than I am!”
“Considering that your ass seems completely unconcerned, that’s not saying that much.”
“I’m not completely unconcerned,” I denied. “I’m just… very committed to doing this. I’ve been mentally preparing, and I’m just going to get it done. And you are going to go first and wait for me, right? And make sure it’s safe?”
Isaiah blew out a sigh, but he still nodded his head.
And a few minutes later, he fulfilled that commitment by taking off.
Yelling at the top of his lungs, but still.
As the attendant prepped me, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I hadn’t told Isaiah that I was feeling in need of a jump start - something to wake me up and remind me I was alive. And that I wasn’t committed to whatever narrative Alicia or anyone else had placed around me with the label ofvictim.
Of course, that wasbeforeI’d woken up with Isaiah in my bed.
With that said, the need didn’t feel any less urgent, so I listened carefully to the attendant’s repeated instructions.
And then I was off, my body beating against the wind as I sliced through the air, rocketing too fast to catch any of the details. It was just a blur of beautiful trees and sky, a rush of sensation and visual stimulation, and then in what felt like way too little time… my gaze connected with Isaiah’s face. I watched him grin at me as I landed safely on the ending platform.
My heart was pounding too fast for me to say much as I was unstrapped from all the gear, but once it was off, I threw myself around Isaiah. He welcomed me there readily, squeezing me tight as unexpected tears of joy, relief, exhilaration, and… I don’t know what else came pouring out of me.
I couldn’t imagine having done this alone.
The rush of emotion was overwhelming.
Zay didn’t question it, he just let me let it all go, with the good sense to remove me from the public eye while I sobbed. It wasn’t until we were in the car, going back to the resort, that I calmed myself down enough for him to talk to me.
“You feel better?” he asked.
Yes, actually, I did.
And I told him as much, making sure he understood that it wasn’t just about me having done some bucket list zip lining.
It wasall of it, taken together, that somehow, finally, had me feeling like I wasn’t just existing in my body.
I washere.
Grounded.
