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“Yeah,” she nodded, dropping her head. “I know.”
“And you know what’s crazy? When I got… “pulled from the field”, to teach hair and makeup for the other Roses instead… that was almost worse. Because even though I didn’t have to do that anymore, I felt complicit. Like I was sending these girls into a nightmare.”
Tamra huffed. “You say that like you had a choice. You were – weallwere – programmed to stay in line. Maybe if the consequences were just death, that was one thing. But we all know… there’s worse.”
“Yeah, and I found out the hard way, didn’t I?” I said, rolling a stray piece of ice from my glass around in my mouth. “I was so stupid. But I needed to know what had happened to Pen, and I—”
“You were human. You actually gave a fuck about somebody, and there’s nothing stupid in that. Well… I won’t say that, but… it’s nothing to be ashamed of, at least.”
“Right.”
Tamra let out a sigh and shook her head. “I don’t think I’ve ever known Zay to be as…man,he wasiratewhen he found out you were missing. And not just mad, either, you know? He was… distraught. Because he’d been checking up on you. Keeping up with you, all that time. I don’t believe he ever let go of that dream of y’all being together, even though he didn’t think it would really happen. He didn’t believe that kind of good fortune would happen to him. But as long as you were okay, he was okay. And then when you weren’t…. he wasnot.”
“He… never told me that,” I whispered. “I mean, I knew that he’d watched me over the years, he said that. But him not being okay…”
“Yeah, he was… just a different person. Completely unrestrained. And the Gardenlovedit. I was scared for him though, because he wasn’t… it was like he didn’t care if he died. Then the Garden fell, and I just had no idea what happened to him. Even when we ran into each a few months ago, he was… he was calmer, less aggressive, but still not…my brother.Now though… look at himlaughing, and having a good time, and just… happy. Because he finally got his princess.”
Whew.
When we came out for this “date”, it had been solely to cure my ridiculous jealousy. And the thing was… there was neverreallya doubt to me that Isaiah loved me. We’d talked around it often, while never directly saying the words to each other, but still… Iknew.
I don’t think I understood the depth of it, though.
And now that I did?
I felt even sillier for being worried about Tamra.
It was evident to me that she loved him too, but in precisely the way she said, exactly as he himself had maintained—a brother. And instead of being jealous of that close connection, hearing her story made me glad they’d had each other, instead of being plagued with loneliness like I had.
I… was grateful for her.
I opened my mouth to express that to her, but what came out instead was an embarrassingly big yawn.
“Damn girl,” Tamra laughed. “Do we need to get you home?”
“No, I’m totally fine.”
“Sis, if you’re sleepy, you can really just say that,” she giggled. “Zay, come take your girl home before she passes out over here,” she called, and I covered my face.
Instantly it seemed, Zay was beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”
“I’mfine,” I laughed. “I yawned, that’s all. You know I’ve been burning the midnight oil over this book.”
“Unnecessarily,” he agreed. “So you’re gonna sleep in tomorrow, get some rest.”
“What if I don’t want to do that?”
“It’s a good thing I didn’t ask what youwanted,” he countered, helping me up. “Come on.”
“Do you see what you’ve caused?” I asked Tamra as Wilder hooked an arm around her waist too.
“Girl let that man put you to sleep,” she teased. “I’m about to do the same,” she said, turning up to Wilder just as he lowered his head to kiss her.
None of us lingered after that.
It was clear what Tamra and Wilder were about to get into, and I really was tired, so I didn’t argue any further about going home. After a hot, shared shower, and a little snack, my bed was calling my name, and I was more than happy to welcome Isaiah into it with me.
“So… what’s the verdict?” he asked, getting right up close to pull me into him. “You still thinking about that cage match with Tamra over me?”
