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“If you feel like his ghost is surrounding you in that space then that’s because he’s watching you, damn proud at what he sees. But if you don’t like it, then change it.”
“What?”
“The space, change it. Connor and I have already spoken to Ronan, and we’re all agreed. That space was Rory’s, but he’s gone, and you know as well as we do that he would be the first person to tell you to change the space to make it more comfortable for you to work in.”
I let out a breath and down half of my water. “No, I can’t. I’m not ready to do that, not yet. I do appreciate you guys letting me do it though.”
“It’s not about letting you do it, Finn, that is your space now. We just wanted to make sure Ronan was cool with it––knowing how hard he’s been struggling. You should be the one to come to us to say you want to change it, but we knew you wouldn’t.”
He pauses to take a drink of water, and I watch him, his dark brown eyes fixed on me. His skin looks pale and he looks tired––they all do.
“Kill, it’s fine. I appreciate what you guys are trying to do, I really do. But it’s fine, I can––”
“You’re one of us, you know that, right?”
I’m not sure what to say, so I just nod.
“I’m serious, baby brother. I know you always felt like you were on the outs, and I guess we’re to blame for that, all of us. We treated you different because Da did, but you were the baby, more so after we lost Aoife. I guess we felt like we had to protect you.”
“I don’t need protecting, Kill. I’m not some sweet innocent little boy, I’m just as dark and as messed up as you lot. You’re right about Da treating me differently, but it wasn’t because I was the baby, it was because Iwasdifferent. I looked different to you lot, and hell, I even acted different. You all got a side of Da that I wasn’t privy to––”
“Stop.” Kill stands, putting his hand out for mine to pull me up. “Should we be having this conversation with Con and Ro?”
“No. We shouldn’t even be having this conversation at all. Let’s just forget I said anything.”
“Let’s hit the showers, then head back to mine. I’ll call Bells, get her and Alex to go stay with Cara tonight, then call Con and Ro and we can have a poker night, and maybe talk.”
I follow him out of the octagon, grabbing our bags from the floor just outside the door, and we head to the locker room.
“Listen, thanks for the session and the offer of a poker night, but I think I’m just going to head home and check on Cara.”
“You can check on her on your phone, the girls will stay with her. We need to talk.”
He doesn’t let me say anything else, he just strips and jumps into one of the showers. I stand there for a minute, rolling my neck. The relief I felt from sparring a few minutes ago is gone, the tension locked solid in my neck. I can’t believe I let that slip out.
Chapter 4
I’ve been circling this house all goddamn day. After Finn got in my face and then told me I wasn’t allowed to leave, I was furious. I ate my breakfast, and not because he told me to, but because I was hungry, and then I went upstairs to grab my phone and leave the house… hell, at that moment I’d wanted to call Seamus and tell him to get me out of here.
But by the time I’d gotten to my room and grabbed my phone, shoes and jacket, my anger had dissipated, and sadness and fear rolled in.
I know I can’t leave. If I do, I’ll be forced back to Ireland and made to marry José, after they’ve made me get an abortion, of course.
So once my temper had calmed a little, I lay on the bed and cried myself to sleep.
I look at my phone again––it’s seven thirty p.m. I’ve not heard from Finn all day. I’ve not heard from anyone, and my anger is starting to surface again. How dare he leave me locked in the damn house alone. I’ve gone from a prisoner in Ireland to a prisoner in New York. At least my jailer is leaving me alone here though.
I’m on the sofa, my legs curled under me with a book in my hand, when my phone starts to ring. I glance at the display and see it’s Finn finally calling me, but I’m so angry I just let it go to voicemail. It rings twice more, and again, I let it go to voicemail. A few moments later, it lights up with a text message.
Finn
Don’t ignore me, princess.
I see the message but decide to let him sweat a little more. If he can’t be bothered to come home or call me earlier, then I can’t be bothered to answer him.
Finn
Bella and Alex are going to come over and stay with you while I’m at Kilian’s.
