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"Mason, can you please not stand so close to the edge." He scoffs. "I'm not going to jump if that's what you're worried about."
I remain seated with my elbows resting on my knees as I stare down at the dirt. I don't want to see his face. I don't want to see his disappointment, hurt, or pain. I'm selfish, and I don't deserve him. Now I'm just waiting for him to figure that out.
Mason
Thirteen
Standingherelookingoutover the river in the spot I brought Gigi to so we could relax, and now I’m anything but. Why do I keep giving this girl the power to break my heart? She just told me she kissed another man last night, and not just any man but the same prick who threatened her and called her a mistake. Not to mention she kissed him back because she wanted to. I'm trying to stay calm and think this through, so I don't blow up at Gianna and make things worse, but I also need to decide how much I'm willing to put up with.
Maybe I need to just break things off now before we reach a point of no return where we have neither an intimate relationship nor a friendship. My issue is that I feel like I deserve the pain of this moment. For the years I’ve known Gigi she has seen the parts of me I want her to see. Yes, we are both broken in our own ways, but she doesn’t know the extent of my cracks.
The fact that she is telling me everything that happened means she cares, even if her actions last night don't show it. She knew what she had to tell me was going to hurt. She prefaced the conversation by saying as much, but that didn't take the sting out.
I hesitate to ask what happened after they kissed because it could go in a very wrong direction, one that makes me sick to think about, but I ask anyway.
"What happened next."
She blows out a breath and then says, "We left the storage room and started heading toward the front when his girlfriend showed up."
Wait a minute, this fucking d-bag has a girlfriend? This entire time he's been stalking Gigi and messing shit up between us he had a girlfriend. Then it dawns on me.
"Wait, did you know he had a girlfriend?" She shakes her head and says, "I had no clue. She came storming up to him like I wasn't there, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him. That's when Bryce showed up looking for me, and we left."
Sighing she lays down on the blanket, throwing an arm over her eyes to shade herself from the sun. I can tell she feels terrible, but a part of me also believes she's upset not just because she hurt me, but because some part of her likes him.
As I stand here staring at her laid out on the blanket before me, I can't help but think he's using her, and she can't do anything about it. It doesn't change the fact that she wanted him to kiss her, but if I know Gigi, the fact that he has a girlfriend probably changed how she feels about him. I'm not going to pretend that I can read her mind, so I ask,
"What are you thinking?"
I want to know how she feels now that all the cards are on the table. While we haven't labeled our relationship thus far, it doesn't change that we are attempting to go to the next step. I go back to the blanket and sit down beside her.
"I think I'm screwed for so many different reasons, and here I am again with you, being the embodiment of disappointment. Last night I let my friends down. Today, I let you down, and overall, I let myself down. I've been fighting this from the beginning, and so far, he's winning. Right now, though, being here with you is what is the most upsetting. I'm tired of being the girl that's always coming to you with a problem, always somehow broken. I don't expect you to just keep taking my crap. I'm waiting for you to open your eyes and realize you deserve better than me."
I let her words sink in hating how untrue they are. This is the perfect opportunity for me to reveal my own skeletons, but I don’t. Do my secrets matter if I give them up for her? Instead, I say, "You're wrong, I don't think I deserve better, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. You're perfect for me. Relationships are constantly evolving as we grow into the people we are meant to be, and I want to support you. I've never felt like you were a burden. I want to be your rock. I want to be your strength when you are weak. I care about you deeply, Gianna."
She removes her arm from her face and turns her head to look at me. "You're crazy." She moves to sit up, and that's when I pull her back down to me.
"Just humor me for a minute. Lay with me."
I know I shouldn't feel happy being here with her right now after she just confessed that she wanted to kiss another man last night. I should be upset, wound-up, pissed off, but I'm finding it hard to be any of those things when she chose to be here with me. She decided to tell me the truth, knowing it would hurt, and while it did hurt me, I know it hurt her just as much.
Hesitant to give in to my demands she finally concedes, and I pull her close so that she's hovering above my chest. I place her hand over my heart, and she follows the movement with her eyes before I lift her chin between my forefinger and thumb so that she has to give me her big green eyes. When she looks at me, I see the pain in her eyes, the torture it's causing her, knowing how I feel about her and knowing she feels unworthy of that affection.
"Please stop feeling sorry for me. I choose to stay. I choose you, babe."
She lays her head on my chest, and we soak in the silence together on the cliff overlooking the river for hours.
Thesunisstartingto set when I realize we should start heading back to the car before the trail gets too hard to see. When I move to sit up, I notice Gigi has fallen asleep. Gently I nudge her awake.
"Babe, wake up. You dozed off. We should probably start heading back."
Sitting up, she stretches, and her dark blonde hair falls down her back. That view against the backdrop of the sunset makes her look like a goddess. I sit up beside her and press a kiss to her shoulder. She gives me a sleepy smile before leaning in to kiss me, and I let her.
I pull her into my lap so that she's straddling my hips. She pulls out of the kiss to look at me, running her fingers through my hair. I place a kiss on her throat and then on her collar bone. Then, pulling me in tight like she can't get close enough, she wraps her legs around me, keeping me locked in her embrace, and there is nowhere in the world I would rather be. I hold her for a few long moments before I whisper into her neck, "Tell me what you're feeling right now isn't worth fighting for. If you want me to walk away, I will." If she isn’t ready for the next step with me, I need her to walk away. I'd rather keep her as a friend than lose her.
Frantically her eyes search mine.
"Why would you say that?" I cup her face with one hand while my other rests on her hip.
