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"Baby, whatever you need, I'm here for you. I know he means a lot to you."
Is he serious right now? He's not upset that I'm sitting in a hospital crying over Mason? He's gently rubbing his hand up and down my back, offering comfort, but I know this must be taxing on his emotions. If there is one thing, I know without a doubt it is that August is a possessive man. There is no way in hell any of this is okay with him. When I look at him, I can see his brow is furrowed with mixed emotions, and his face is pale like this all makes him physically ill. He must know I'm on to his "newfound acceptance" of Mason because he looks away and says, "I brought you something." Essentially shutting me down before I can question him.
He pulls a phone charger out of his pocket and places it in my hand. I smile. "Thank You."
We sit there in silence a bit longer, me on his lap while he holds me. That small and simple act brings me so much comfort and peace, and I know he needs it just as much as I do. I cling to him, scared to let him go because I know I'll push him away as soon as I do. Mason deserves all of me, he needs all of me, and I can't be what he needs if August is in the picture. August makes me weak, I lose all control, and my rational thoughts go out the window. He fills a part of me that I didn't know I was missing, and as much as I don't want to lose that, I'll sacrifice that part of me to ensure the man upstairs is whole.
Pulling away, I move to stand, but my legs start to shake as I do. I quickly move to sit in the chair opposite August and lay my head on the table. Damn it. I need to eat. August quickly grabs my hand. "Tell me what to do."
"I need something to eat."
Running over to the breakfast bar, he grabs muffins, granola bars, and juice, making sure I have them all in front of me before running back to pay. God, why does he have to be so good to me? Why can't he just do something shitty so that I can hold it against him and hate him? Why can't I hate him?
I need to eat so I can think clearly. Damn low blood sugar. Grabbing the orange juice, I start chugging, knowing that the sugar will quickly enter my system and breathe some life back into me. With each bite I take my hands tremble.
August looks on with a mix of panic and anger in his eyes before saying, "I know what you're going to ask of me, and after this little show, it's not going to happen." I simply stare at him, still too weak to argue. August just sits in silence, watching me eat while deep in thought. Once I've finished the muffin and get half a granola bar down, I have enough strength to say, "You can't be here."
I figured he would be stunned by my claim, but he simply looks at me unphased. That's when I realize those were the words he was expecting. As much as I don't want to hurt him, I need to. He can't be here with me. I don't want to explain who he is to close friends and family, and God forbid Mason wakes up, and he's here.
Closing my eyes, I choose my next words carefully, I choose the words that I know will hurt the most.
"Let me clarify. I don't want you here."
I know I could have chosen different words but I’m still going to have to endure his presence at work. I’m trying to remain somewhat neutral in hopes he won’t have any knee-jerk reactions and choose to renege on his word that he won’t have me fired.
The words hit their mark because I see it for a brief moment he's hurt, and fuck if those words didn't taste like poison coming out. He needs to leave, he can't be here when Mason wakes up, and I may as well get all the breaking done at once.
Mason is upstairs broken, counting on me to put him back together as he has always done for me.
His eyes lock on mine as if he's peering into my soul, looking for the truth in my words. I hold his gaze, not wanting to give anything away, and then he simply says, "Goodbye, Gianna," and walks away.
Watching him walk away from me hurts, and I know I will live with an ache inside of me where he should be. I want to run to him and tell him I didn't mean it, for him to pull me into his arms, call me baby, and tell me I'm his. That's when I realized that a part of me hoped he would fight for me. In the end, he does none of those things, and I'm left cold and empty.
Gianna
Nineteen
It'sbeenalittleover a week since Mason has been in a coma. The doctors stopped giving him the meds that were keeping him under on Sunday. It's now Friday. They say that everything looks good. His bruising is almost all gone around his face, and the swelling has gone down. He is starting to look like himself again, just peacefully sleeping. They seem confident that his brain has healed and that there should be no long-term issues, but the brain can't be rushed, and we won’t know anything for sure until he’s awake. He will wake when his body is ready. It is doing what it needs to do to heal.
I haven't been back to work since the accident happened. I fully intended to be fired since I just started, and the work I do can't be done remotely. But for once, my mom must have stepped up for me and pulled some strings because they've been sending me odd tasks from multiple departments to work on while I'm at the hospital. She's probably hoping that this act of generosity will earn her some gratitude cash. I know my parents seem to be on the right track, but my mom has never just done something for me out of the goodness of her heart. There's always an ulterior motive.
The only person I've checked in on at home has been Elio. I call him every night to make sure everything is okay. He never really received the beatings, the hate, and overall disdain that I've endured for merely existing from our mother, and for that, I'm grateful, but because I've been absent, I can't help but feel that he'll turn into her punching bag if I'm gone too long.
This entire event has been a sobering experience for me. Why does the worst possible scenario have to occur to make you see what's been in front of your eyes all along? I've always wanted Mason, but when he confessed his feelings for me, something I dreamed about for years, I couldn't see past August. The saying that you don't know what you have until it's gone has never felt truer.
Everything between us is so easy, so natural. We fit together. I just hope when Mason wakes up, I'm not the biggest mistake he ever made. After all, he was ready to walk away from me last week, and because I selfishly couldn't bear the thought of losing him or breaking his heart, I asked him not to. I told him I'd give him everything I had, but then I went and gave it away. All I gave him was heartache.
I was ready to walk away from Mason to have August. What hurts the most about all of this is that I still want August, but I know those are narrow-minded thoughts. Choosing August meant giving up on a man that's been by my side through thick and thin, held me through my tears, kissed away my pain, and now offered me his heart. I can't toss all that away. Mason deserves my best, so that's what he'll have.
Today I'm going into the office to drop off all the work I've done over the past few days and collect a few more projects. While I hate leaving Mason, I know I can't afford to lose my job, and I'm lucky they are working with me. I grab his hand and squeeze.
"Babe, I have to go to the office, but I promise I'll be right back. Maybe when I get back, you can wake up for me so I can see those big blue eyes and that handsome smile."
I kiss the back of his hand and lay it back down on the mattress before running my fingers through his blonde locks, making sure it's off his forehead. He likes having his hair longer on top and shorter on the sides, but he hates when it falls on his face. I place another kiss on his cheek and then head out.
WhenIpullintothe parking lot at Reds, my heart starts racing. My mind has been so focused on Mason that I didn't even think about how I might run into August. My chest tightens at the thought.
It's been over a week since we last spoke at the hospital. Neither one of us has reached out, and I guess that means we are officially over.
