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Cerys stands and moves towards the window, as if she needs to keep a distance. A distance I think she’s about to make permanent. “You stopped loving Honey when you woke up to what you were doing.”
“No, I stopped loving her when she had an affair.”
“Liam, you went back to her when the situation wasn’t right for you. You did that for her but look at what happened. It’s like you’re afraid to hurt people, and then you hurt them more by ignoring what’s really happening until everything is too late.”
“Fucking hell, Cerys, how much time do you spend obsessing about me and Honey?”
“I do not obsess! I see similarities. What if one day you wake up and realise doing all this for me isn’t what you want, but hang around because you think you should? What if you stay with me because you don’t want to hurt me, and then end up hurting me more?” Cerys shakes, and I realise the real reason behind her desire to ‘pause’.
I can’t take in everything she’s accusing me of. What the fuck have I done wrong here? Nothing. “You’re crazy,” I say quietly. “How can you even begin to compare how I feel about you to what I felt about Honey? She doesn’t come close.”
“When you can’t fix my life, you’ll leave me.”
“No! I won’t! How is my wanting to take care of you wrong, Cerys?”
She rubs her eyes. “Because you think the more that you do for me, the less likely I’ll reject you.”
I rub my temples, blown away by the criticism for doing the right thing by her. The frustration builds pressure in my head. I can’t. “Fuck this, I’m going.”
Cerys’s eyes widen, confusing me further.Didn’t she just say…?I don’t fucking understand women. I give her my heart and she tells me I don’t love her?
I take a calming breath. “Cerys, I’m leaving. If you want me to stay away, I will. Sounds like you need to decidewhatyou want. But don’t think I’ll let you go easily.” The emotion surges inside and I’m desperate to grab Cerys and kiss her until she can’t breathe, to hold her and never let her go. The ferocity of my emotions around this woman and her little girl surprise me. I never realised how attached I was and how big a gap in my life there would be without them.
But apparently, loving them is the problem.
