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8
LIAM
I don’t go home. Pissed off with the complicated situation I’ve created, I decide to fill my day with the original reason I came back. Christmas. I spend the morning soaking up the atmosphere—the Christmas trees adorning every shop, the crappy festive music in every store, the combination of stress and excitement amidst the other shoppers.
Nobody recognises me, or lets on if they do. I’m not that interesting in my home town. A couple of elderly ladies who knew me years ago say hello, but I avoid stopping to speak to them.
I should buy Christmas gifts but, as usual, I have no idea what to get people. Lou promised she’d take a shopping trip in London with me one day—a treat before Christmas. Maybe I should ask if Cerys and Ella want to come too.No. Bad idea.
I retreat to a local cafe and buy a bacon sandwich and coffee before tucking myself into a corner away from the window. The windows steam up from the heat of bodies and the meals cooking. I once came here with the rest of the guys after school, and I swear nobody redecorated since. Different owners, but the same yellowing posters advertising fish and chips as ‘the best meal money can buy’ still adorn the walls.
Yawning, I pull out my switched off phone. Since I’m around, I could ask Cerys if she wants a ride home, but I don’t have her number. And if I switch my phone on, I would be assailed with messages from my ex so I tuck it away again.
Ex. I’ve thought about Honey more today than any point since I left her, in an attempt to rationalise kissing Cerys as okay. Cerys is right though, what we’re doing is a stupid idea, but a niggling part of me who wants to take care of and protect this woman and her daughter confuses the situation. I can’t rewind to a one off kiss years ago. We’re worlds apart now. Look at what happened to Dylan and Sky—they fell apart after a couple of months. Dylan won’t tell me why but I can guess. Blue Phoenix can’t co-exist with the ordinary.
Why can’t I be more like Jem and have my fun then drop the girl? I smirk to myself at my non-rock star behaviour. I did all that shit a few years back, and that life wasn’t for me. I want stability in a relationship, something I thought I’d found with Honey. Ha fucking ha. So, if the extraordinary won’t work, doesn’t trying the ordinary make sense?
I stare at the flaking paint on the wall next to me. Cerys isn’t ordinary—she’s beautiful and strong. Sexy as hell. And unobtainable.
The day heads toward afternoon and hasn’t brightened, a typical Welsh winter and the sky darkening with snow clouds. White Christmas. The giddy kid Liam sneaks in. How awesome if I could go sledging or build snowmen.
I walk along the main street, black beanie tugged over my ears and decide to check a couple of stores on my way back to the car, in case Cerys is still around somewhere. This doesn’t take long in the small town, and I locate her in what passes as a department store in the High Street. I approach her and Ella spots me first.
“Mummy! Uncle Liam’s here! Show him the picture of Santa.” She scrabbles around in her mum’s bag.
“I’m heading back to Mum and Dad’s. Did you want a ride?”
Cerys hands the picture to her daughter. “Oh. Okay, thanks. I just need to find a couple more things.”
Ella thrusts the picture into my face and I nod, not paying attention, before turning back to Cerys. I’m only a few feet from her and I can sense what’s between us. This isn’t me wanting to kiss a girl from my past—this is mewantingthe girl from my past. Cerys smiles and we’re locked in another hesitant moment together. My stomach lurches, the teenage feelings from last night taking over. I need to do something. Take Cerys somewhere and tell her. Show her.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah. What did you need? I’ll help. I reckon the snow will start soon so we should leave.”
“Gift wrap and chocolates.”
“‘Kay.”
I drag myself away from Cerys. She dizzies me without touching, distracts me from everything but an obsession with putting my mouth on hers again, holding her, taking her to bed.Not good, Liam.
Is there an art to choosing the right Christmas gift-wrap? I stare at the selection. There’s fuckloads of colours and rolls. I grab the nearest one covered in cartoon Santas and holly, and turn towards the checkout.
A woman with blonde wavy hair stares at me, blue eyes widened in surprise.
Sky.
What the hell is she doing here? I met her once at Dylan’s party—the girl responsible for Dylan’s retreat into the realm of the broken-hearted over the last few months. If Sky is here in St Davids, then Dylan must be too. I look around for him, but he’s not close by.Shit, if he sees I’ll need to explain because he knows about my history with Cerys.
“Hey, Liam. I thought you were in the States for Christmas?” she says.
“Yeah. I was. Decided to come home instead. Missing the place, you know. How come you’re here?”
“Dylan’s visiting his gran.”
Typical, after years never coming home he chooses this year. “Really? Wow. St Davids prodigal son returns.”
“I think this is tough for him, Liam.”
