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“Does he know you’re his mum?”
“Yes, now. Not at first.”
I give a derisive laugh. “I bet that fucking confused him when you told him.”
Hannah takes a sharp breath. “He was young and accepted the explanation. We had to tell him before he started school otherwise the whole situation would get complicated.”
“You should’ve told me too.”
She looks back at me. “I’d broken the connection in my head, Bryn. I didn’t associate him with you.”
“This is crazy!”
“I was crazy,” she says with a small laugh. “Literally, and I’m still working through… stuff. When I contacted you a couple of years ago, I intended to tell you; but when I saw you, it was as if we were back at the start, when things were easy. You looked at me the same way, kissed me with the old tenderness, and I didn’t want to lose that Bryn again. I wanted us to be the Bryn and Hannah from years before. From before Connor.”
I sit opposite her. Didn’t I do the same thing when we met again? I pretended to myself that we were Bryn and his forever girl and we were sixteen again, before the world pulled us apart. We concealed ourselves from the world and now we’re about to become centre stage.
“That’s the reason I hid when we were together. With you, I was disconnected from reality for a few hours, days. I wanted to hold onto those times and pretend nothing existed outside. The more I saw you, the harder it was to tell you about Connor, so I didn’t.” She swallows. “Sorry.”
“Didn’t you want money?”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t want to be the money-grabbing girl with the rock star’s love child.”
“This isn’t about you though; it’s about my son. He could have everything. Anything.” I rub my head. “He could’ve had me – us, together, for him.” The more we speak, the harder I control the anger fuelled by the despair she lied.
“This is why I made the decision last year,” she says quietly. “I want Connor to have stability, an ordinary life, and we couldn’t have that connected to you.” Her face screws up in confusion. “I don’t know. I really don’t. None of the decisions I made are what a normal person would’ve done. I can’t explain to myself, let alone anybody else.”
“I loved you, Hannah,” I say hoarsely. “You could’ve had everything too.”
“You wouldn’t love me once I told you the truth. I didn’t deserve you.”
I slump back in my chair. I can’t talk about us, what might’ve been. I’m with Avery. I love her. This has become a mantra the last few days, because Connor reconnects me to Hannah.
There is an ‘us’ and always will be, because of Connor.
“Does Connor know about me?”
“No.”
“Well, you’d better bloody tell him because I’m coming to Australia!”
Her face pales. “No, Bryn. I’m not asking you to do that.”
“What the hell? I don’t care whether you ask me or not. You tell me I have a son and don’t expect me to meet him? Sorry, Hannah but this is over. You can’t hide Connor from the world anymore.”
“But…”
Hannah is still deluded that she can. “My whole family knows! This won’t be a secret you can keep. I have to see him!”
“Please, don’t shout, Bryn.”
I lower my voice. “I’m flying to Australia. I can’t go with you tomorrow but I’ll be there next week. He’s sick, what if he…”Dies.
“Okay.” But her face tells me this is far from okay.
“I want to see a picture,” I say abruptly. “Show me what he looks like.”
Hannah picks up her handbag and unzips it with trembling fingers. My heart beats harder, the reality about to intensify as she pulls out her phone.
