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“These are from a couple of months ago.”
I take the phone. A boy with brown curls grins for the camera, holding up a gift-wrapped box. Happiness fills his brown eyes.My eyes. I’m not sure how long I stare at the picture, fighting tears, pushing away the anger surging closer to the surface.
“The picture was taken on his birthday,” she says.
I grip the phone until the metal bites into my hand. Eight birthdays. Christmases. Eight long years of a part of me living a life that I had no role in.
“Right. Can you send me that picture?” I hand the phone back to her, attempting to keep my emotions hidden. I can carry Connor with me on my phone until I see him.
“I will, but Bryn…”
I stand, interrupting her. “I can’t talk to you anymore because I can’t promise I won’t lose my shit.” I clench and unclench my hands, the image of Connor all I can see. “I thought this would help, but the last few days are like somebody has knifed me in the heart. Talking to you twisted it deeper.”
A tear escapes Hannah’s eye, tears I’ve willed her not to cry because they’d weaken me. However many times she explains, I will never, ever understand how she could do this to me – to us. I walk away.
* * *
My extended familyarrange to be tested as suitable donors while I prepare to travel to Australia and see my eight-year-old son for the first time. I have to tell Avery but I don't know what to say. I don’t tell the guys either. My head is fucked. They never knew about Hannah, all lost in their own worlds in the months me and Hannah were together, and I don’t want to tell them yet.
Family fall-out was enough to deal with, trying to explain what the fuck just happened to anybody else adds to more people trying to influence my decisions. I do this on my own and deal with this in my usual way. On my own. When I want to share, I will.
One person from the Blue Phoenix world needs to know—the man who’s stayed off my back, relieved that one of his protégés kept out of trouble. Steve, our manager and the surrogate dad we don’t want him to be. Yeah, we’ve clashed a few times because I don’t take well to him talking down to us now we’re older but normally we get on okay.
Normally.
Steve can put measures in place to head off the scandal about to hit. I’m not denying anything, and Hannah isn’t threatening press involvement so his job should be easy.
Bryn Hughes, the quiet and uncomplicated member of Blue Phoenix finally reveals his secret. One he didn’t even know he had.
I call Steve.
