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Bryn slumps against the wall and drains the bottle. “When this comes out, which it will and soon, I'll be crucified. Rock star abandons his love child with no financial support. Lives his life pretending he doesn't exist. Sick kid ignored by his famous dad. Did you know he's been sick before? This is a relapse. A fucking relapse, Avery. She didn’t tell me last time!” He looks at me with desperation. “Everything they’ll accuse me of is the opposite of what I would’ve done. If I'd known about Connor, I’d have given him the whole fucking world!”
“I know and everybody else who knows you will.” I place a hand on his arm.
He inhales deeply, and then releases the breath. “That’s why I'm going to Australia. I don't know how long for. I have to see him. Be there.”
“Of course you do,” I whisper and move to touch his cheek. “God, Bryn, no wonder you’re such a mess.”
“Yeah. I’m fucked. I can’t deal with anything else.” He takes my hand.
“Why didn't you say when I asked?”
His fingers tighten around mine. “I was confused.”
I swallow, knowing what he means, how his confusion is around Hannah too. Whether he admits this or not, he's drawn back into her life by his bond to their child. They have a kid, and this is Bryn Hughes, the man who does the right thing by everybody he meets.
Bryn will leave me.
“I guess you have some thinking to do,” I say.
“I can't think straight, Avery. I'm lost in a weird nightmare.”
I pull my hand away and wrap my arms around his waist wishing I could wrap myself around some of his pain and take it away. Tentatively, I tiptoe to place my mouth on his, and for a moment, he doesn't respond. Dragging his lips across my face, Bryn kisses the side of my forehead.
“I want to lose myself in you, instead,” he whispers. “In us.” His hands go to my waist, pushing beneath my shirt and gripping hard, eyes darkening as he looks at me.
As I look back at him, one thought dominates. If Hannah didn't matter, if this was only about his son, Bryn wouldn't feel the need to hide the truth for days.
I want to keep Bryn, for him to be mine, but have I lost him already? “I love you.”
I wait for him to respond but the words don't come.Bryn told me he was numb, that’s the reason why.
Bryn swears under his breath then tightens his grip on my waist. He roughly kisses me, his tongue invading my mouth, as he claims with a desperate need. I want to fight back, talk more, but when I try to push him away, he grabs my wrists and pulls me closer.
“Don’t walk away. I need you.”
I could yell at him, drag my arms away, and leave. He’s the one against the wall, but we both know I won't. I stand here as he holds my wrists still, looking back at him, into his unfathomable eyes. Even in the days when we danced around each other I could read him, but not at this moment.
Bryn kisses me again, rough, hard. I pull my mouth and hands away, relieved he wants me but unsure because he’s switched from telling me something earth shattering to this.
Bryn moves his mouth to my neck instead, kissing and nipping at my skin, hand sliding beneath my shirt to my breasts. I shift against him, and he growls, the powerful arms around my waist holding me tighter, as if I might slip from his grasp if he lets me go.
“Bryn.”
“I need you,” he says, his hot mouth searching for mine again, heavy breath against my skin. I want to cry because I want Bryn, and to be the person he needs. I don't want him to go to Australia because I don't think he'll come back to me.
“I'm here. I'm always here for you.” I push Bryn’s curls from his face and hold his head, the way he’s done to me numerous times, forcing him to stop and look at me.
My heart rends at the pain in Bryn’s eyes. He’s grasping at his new world, at us, because he’s losing grip on everything around him. How can he hold on when his world has been thrown upside down and broken? Worst of all, his fear reflects mine. Everything we planned, the life we lived, the future we hoped for has faded.
“When are you going?” I ask hoarsely.
“Tomorrow.”
Tomorrow. “How long for?” He looks at me desperately, and I shake my head. “Sorry, we won’t talk about it right now.”
“I’m lost, Avery,” he says hoarsely. “I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
“Be the man you’ve always been.” I place my lips on his. “Hold onto Bryn.”
