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20
BRYN
Mia left.
Thank fuck.
No word from Hannah; I checked the old email account but nothing. I haven't heard from her for weeks now. Some days, I think about her a lot, other days not. I’m moving on slowly.
I intended to call Avery the day after the party but life got in the way. Steve lost his shit about the lack of rehearsal time we've had for the tour, and I found myself locked in a studio with the guys for the best part of a week. The animosity colouring the edges of Blue Phoenix's world has faded, notably between Dylan and Jem. There's an air of distraction they share which interferes instead, but once we get focused, the tracks roll like the early days.
Ruby Riot rehearses in the next studio and part of Jem's distraction lies in there. I would never expect Jem starry-eyed over a girl. I've watched and tried to stop his self-destruction over the years; I'm bloody glad Ruby knocked through the ironclad walls he built around himself. Things had better work out between them.
When the guys dutifully head back to their respective wives and girlfriends in the evenings, Hannah sneaks into my mind. Before I have a chance to replace Hannah with Avery by asking to see her, I'm tempted away by the idea of relaxation and alcohol by the Ruby Riot guys.
Lie.
I'm avoiding Avery because I'm fucking confused.
I want Avery. Like, in my bed, naked, and sex want. I’m avoiding seeing her again because I don't want to hurt Avery by using her, if I do persuade her into my bed. So, I tell myself, if I take Avery out and get to know herthenhave sex, I won't be using her. Who am I kidding? I'm in love with another girl and every chick I take to bed means nothing more than an attempt to wipe Hannah from my mind for a few hours.
Then my confusion spreads. Why does it matter to me whether I hurt Avery or not?
Because she knows me. Inexplicably, she sees to the core of the man I'm currently denying exists. If I'm with Avery, I can hold onto who he is too and find a way out of the chaos in my head.
Considering all this, last night was a fucking disaster. What a dickhead. I rub a hand across my face; the encounter with Avery suddenly the clearest part of my evening spent inebriated with the Ruby Riot kids. Announcing to the world I know Avery, embarrassing her in a crowded pub. Avery, the shy girl who I want to see again, couldn’t get away quick enough.Nice one, Bryn.
I sit on the dining chair and pull out my phone to call her.
“Hello?” she answers.
“Hey, Avery, sorry I haven't called.” Silence. “You there?”
“I imagine you've been busy.”
“I have. Rehearsing and stuff.”
“And behaving like a rock star and stuff,” she says voice tinged with annoyance.
“I wanted to apologise. I was drunk last night; sorry I pissed you off.”
“I don't care. You were the one making yourself look like a bloody idiot.”
I relax, relieved and surprised she's not pissed off, but suspect she's lying. I was drunk but in my foggy memory, she looked pissed off to me. “I’ve had years of practice.”
Avery makes a humph sound. “Honestly, I'm surprised to hear from you. It's been a week since the party.”
“Yeah. I meant to call before. Want to meet up again?”
There's a pause before she says hesitantly, “I'm not sure that's a good idea.”
“Why? Have you met someone else? In a week?Cariad, you're breaking my heart,” I exclaim.
“Very funny, Bryn, and no, I haven't.”
“If you don’t have another guy in your life, why not hang out with me?”
“Hang out? Bryn, you told me you didn't want a relationship and then kissed me stupid. That's a bit bloody confusing. Then I see you with another girl attached to your body.”
