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26
AVERY
When I met Bryn tonight,I'd decided to hell with it—I’ll have sex with him. I'm shocked at the fact I've managed to hold out this long. Bryn doesn't need to touch or kiss me. Once he's close enough to intensify the effect on my hormones, then my body begs me to spend an evening in his arms.
Bryn sits in his armchair and I sit on the sofa opposite, and a different kind of tension fills the room than the usual sexual.
He shakes his fringe from his eyes. “I've never spoken to anybody about this.”
“Once, you said you could talk to me about anything.” Bryn returns to staring ahead. “If this is something you never talk about, maybe it's time you started.”
“Yeah, I get that I need to. But you won't like what I'm about to tell you.”
I swallow against the sickening feeling rising. “Okay.”
Bryn stares at me for a few moments then swears under his breath before walking to the kitchen. “Do you want a beer?” he calls.
“No.”
Returning with an open bottle, he resumes his position and slowly drinks.
“Bryn?”
“How do you completely stop loving somebody?” he asks quietly, not meeting my eyes. “I’ve tried but I can't let her go.”
The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach grows. It's one thing to have a messy ex to deal with, but if he still loves her, there’s no point in us.
“Who is she?” I ask.
Quietly, Bryn tells me the story of him and Hannah, the girl in Australia, his one true love and I fight the tears. He's loved this girl his whole life, spending years looking for her like a prince in a fairy tale, only this time the princess rejected her prince.
“I know I'm stupid for not letting go. Being with you helps me forget, but I don't know if I can completely. Not yet.”
My body fills with a cold shock, my hopes and dreams splintering around me. “If there's no chance of fixing whatever happened with Hannah, you have to move on.”
“How?”
“Find somebody else. Somebody who's worth your love. Doesn't have to be me; I know I'm just a distraction for you before you go away.”
Bryn drags a hand down his cheek. “You’re more than a distraction. I told you that, but what about the future? It’s unfair of me. How can I give myself to somebody else while a part of me still loves her?”
“But she doesn't love you.”
“No.”
“Then you're setting yourself up for hurt and unhappiness.”
“Already there,cariad.”
I trace circles with a finger on the arm of the sofa, pissed off he’s using me as a confidante rather than telling me he’s putting the past behind him. “I think you're stuck, Bryn. Not just with whoever this girl is, but with life. You've said yourself. Put time and effort into other things, move away from everything holding you down. She's just a symptom of that.”
“I'm okay.”
“No, you're not. You're stagnant, watching your friends’ happiness and getting pissed off but not doing anything about it.”
“Because I'm waiting!” he protests.
“For what?”
