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“Her. Shit, no, now there’s you and I’m fucking confused.”
I suck in a breath, dizzied by his confession. Every time he mentions Hannah, the pain grows in his eyes and my despair grows inside.
I can't compete with Hannah. They spent a childhood together and a lifetime in his heart; I've known him less than a month. The aching spreads into my chest, losing Bryn hurts but I never really had him. This is why he's holding back and why I'm setting myself up for heartbreak.
I'm angry – at him and at Hannah. Bryn is a wonderful man with the biggest heart of anybody I’ve met, but he’s left it in Australia with somebody who doesn’t want or deserve him.
“Why say those things to me tonight?” I ask, tears thickening my voice.
“Because it’s true. I like you a hell of a lot and I hope I can move on. With you. You asked for the truth and I’m telling you.”
I don’t want to hear anymore. I want to go. I have to walk. Now.
BRYN
The painin Avery’s eyes is unexpected. I knew we were getting closer but I thought telling her this would help straighten out the situation between us. I reach out to take her hand and Avery pulls it away, placing both on her lap.
She’s fighting tears, mouth turned down and I hate myself.
“I can’t listen to you talk about another girl abusing your heart and see the pain you’re letting her cause you. As long as you’re hers, you’ll never be anybody else’s,” she says quietly.
“I’m stuck. I know that. But you have to understand, I’ve spent years convinced me and Hannah will find our way back to each other. Then it happened, and we had two more years together. Can you understand how a part of me still thinks we’ll find each other again? A bigger part of me knows I’m fooling myself, and I need to move on.”
“And that's what hurts me more, because I care about you and don’t want to see you manipulated like this.” Avery trembles, tears fought back. The guilt over the situation I've created seeps in.
Manipulated. Am I? No, we’re both to blame. I shake Hannah from my mind and touch Avery's soft cheek. In front of me is a woman who stepped into my life and crept into my heart. She wants me and I want her.
Or she did. I'm a fucking idiot.
Avery removes my hand from her cheek. “I think when you meet the right girl, you'll want to take your heart back from Hannah and give it to her instead.”
“I want that girl to be you.”
Avery swallows. “No. You don't. And I can't give you my heart either. What would be the point in me falling in love with you, if you could walk away at any minute, back to Hannah?”
“Falling in love?”
“Bryn, if we keep seeing each other, things are going to get messy. Really messy. There'll be a third person with us the whole time.”
I shift, head a mass of confusion. “Kind of.”
“Not kind of. Tell me one thing. If Hannah phoned tomorrow and asked you to take her back, would you?”
I rub my face, grounding myself in this moment as I look at Avery. Avery who’s already changing my life by pulling me out of the stagnant water I’m drowning in. The tension grows, the truth building a wall between us instead of breaking one down. What do I do?
Avery's face holds a hope that I’ll tell her I wouldn’t take Hannah back, but the truth is I don’t know. A few weeks ago, my answer would’ve been a definite ‘yes’; in a way Ihavemoved on because there’s doubt. But I can’t say ‘no’ because Hannah still lives in my heart. I want Avery but I can’t give myself the way she needs.
“Avery. You're in my dreams and my head constantly.”
“But not your heart.”
“You are.”
“But I’m not really. Hannah has your heart, doesn’t she?” she says in a small voice.
I should never have agreed to this and kept my stupid mouth shut. Why tell Avery I want her then do this to her? Wouldn’t the easier choice be to walk away next week and avoid this shit?
Deep down, I know why. I want to talk to somebody about Hannah, take her from my head and put her in the world, hear what somebody else thinks of my situation. Avery is the wrong person to tell, but she’s the only one I can talk to. An egotistical part of me thought Avery would be okay with the situation and would wait for me to sort myself out. Wait for us.
