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14
“Bugs, can Syd join me and the other children over at Maggie’s to dye eggs?”
Porsche nervously asked as she stood on the front porch of the trailer a few days later. The little girl had gone back to Doc all week, bite sized appointments that broke Porsche’s heart each time she caught sight of her coming or going. She wasn’t sure if Syd would want to go with her since she’d been doing her best to allow the child the space she probably needed.
“Oh Daddy, can I go, please?” Syd moved around him as he filled the door and clenched Porsche’s hand. She was carrying her blanket, but wasn’t having to talk around a thumb in her mouth.
Porsche smiled gently at the sign of a sprinkle of progress. Setbacks were sure to happen, but Syd’s voice was more than clear, it had ticked up at least two notches on the volume meter. For this moment she was a child and there was nothing more Porsche could have asked for.
“Bugs, huh,” he replied with a shake of his head as he gripped the back of his neck and twisted his face into a grimace. She tried not to get transfixed by the muscle bulging in his arm. The men were muscular, but Bugs was thick. The kind of man who could crush you with a hug or pin you to the wall without so much as a tremble until he came. “I’m praying Creek hasn’t sent that nugget out to the men.”
“If he’s kept Hack from you all these years,” she reasoned, rocking back a bit on her heels in hopes of righting herself from the fantasy playing out in her mind. “Road names are more than kids picking on each other at the playground.”
“I’m seeing that, Turbo,” he replied with mischief in his eyes. “Even locked away as I’ve been.”
“There isn’t a lot to see here,” she offered. “But the scenery is choice.”
His eyes scanned down her body, something about the way Bugs did it was different than the men undressing her at the Roadside. She was in a simple T-shirt, jeans and flannel, but she wasn’t sure if he was stripping her to her panties or imagining her in a dress. No matter the vision, it was more than a lust driven gaze. Those she knew, this was new and she wondered if the man warmed as much as she did when they were close.
“Yeah, it’s okay with me if you want to go.” He shook his head as if coming out of a fever dream.
Syd’s eyes lit up as she passed her father the blanket and tugged gently on Porsche’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Wait? Dads aren’t going?” he questioned, his massive hand showing how tiny Syd’s woobie was when not tucked in the crook of her arm. This was a good sign and she prayed the man recognized the giant leap Sydney had taken subconsciously. The little girl felt comfortable enough with Porsche, her hand was all she needed to walk over to Maggie’s.
“Red had to call a meeting about something, probably a rescue,” she said, not wanting to lie, but Nightingale had suggested the outing with just the moms. While they usually did a big dye fest with the guys at the clubhouse, everyone recognized Sydney wasn’t ready for that. With a call to Maggie and the other mothers the switch was made. A way of bringing Syd into a safer environment and a bit of a mama and kiddos day. With Easter a few days away it was totally reasonable and a way to get Syd in a normal activity. When it came to the Ol’ Ladies of the Steels they had a way of self counseling making them invaluable to the men and that was why at least one woman was on every rescue mission. The men planned and plotted, provided security and the ladies were a bridge.
For Sydney everyone had watched her through the week. Going on walks with her dad, when she’d tagged along for meetings with Cream and the coming and goings at the clinic. Collectively they had decided it would be good for Sydney to have this to help her through such a rough week. Not the past, not the future, just a moment where she could be a child. Dying eggs and hopefully finding a reason to laugh.
“Are we really going to dye some eggs?”
“Yes! Goofy,” she teased. “Why would I say we were dying eggs if we weren’t?”
“Because mama says we’re dying eggs then gives me stickers and markers,” she explained. “But one year she did do this thing where I put a sleeve over the egg and she dropped it in water. The plastic shrunk around the egg which made them pretty, but hard to remove the shell.”
“Ah, well Maggie’s old school, she gets big old bowls for each kid and then lets them put as many drops of color as they want,” Porsche said since that was the kits they got, letting go of the little girl’s hand for a moment so she could use her fingers to help talk. “Personally, I like putting a few colors in there and taking a toothpick to swirl the water so when I put my egg in its all wrapped in colors like when you go through the car wash.”
Sydney froze when Porsche dropped her hand as if playing the best game of statue tag.
“Hey kiddo,” she said reaching for the little girl’s hand and Syd shook herself from the daze. “You okay?”
“Yeah, Turbo,” she said as if an all too familiar switch had been flipped. “I liked the carwash because Daddy let me go up in the front seat and didn’t get mad when I put my hands on the window when I was little. You think that’s real? I was like three? I couldn’t remember stuff from when I was three could I?”
“Maybe,” Porsche said, knowing explaining the rules around Mike calling her Turbo would be one of a million burdens she didn’t need to carry.
“He said it was a secret cuz I wasn’t in my car seat and mommy would get mad,” she said and ice trickled through Porsche’s veins. “Some secrets are good.”
“Yeah, kiddo,” Porsche agreed, hoping her musing about egg colors hadn’t had the exact opposite effect. “I bet you and your daddy have very good secrets.”
“There’s lots of cars here,” Sydney said scanning the line-up.
Bringing her free hand to her belly she tried to quell the nerves bubbling up inside. It was the first time she would be doing a momma kid function with the other Ol’ Ladies. No matter the attraction to the man who she could see watching her from a window in the trailer and Sydney’s need for a mother to protect her, Porsche knew once that commitment was sealed there would be no going back. Not for her. But right now was about making sure Sydney didn’t feel like the odd one out because her mother wasn’t there. Even if all the other mothers would rotate helping her, the kid needed a dedicated adult.
“All the other kids from the MC are here,” Porsche explained, wondering if the clubhouse might have been a better spot. Then again, Maggie’s could be stuffed to capacity and she’d always welcome one more in. “From Baby Matthew to Maisie and Maisie will let you know she’s the oldest.”
“Turbo, do they know?” she questioned, her arm tucked in a bit for the blanket she left behind. “All the kids know is you’re basically Hack’s niece.”
“Like how Maggie is everyone’s grandma?” she questioned, Porsche nodded and watched the tension ease from the girl who took a deep breath in. “I’m ready. This should be fun.”
