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Chapter Twenty-Three
Ivy
“It was -- amazing,” she said. “I cannot believe I allowed it to happen, but…”
Her voice trailed off, and Mira took hold of her hands, squeezing them tight. A wide, knowing grin crossed her lips, and her eyes sparkled with a mischievous light.
“But he’s a beautiful man, and you let yourself get caught up in the moment,” Mira finished for her.
“Something like that, yes.”
Ivy felt her cheeks flush and she looked away. She still could not believe she had allowed herself to lose control like that. The fact that she had given her maidenhead to Fin was no small matter. If Castor ever found out, he would be enraged and would punish her in ways that she could not even conceive of. All she knew was that it would be terrible.
“So? How do you feel?” Mira pressed.
Ivy laughed. “Other than a bit sore and stiff, I do not feel any different,” she replied, and then looked at her handmaiden with wide eyes. “Why? Should I? Is there some way I--”
Mira’s laughter made Ivy bite off her words. Embarrassment made her cheeks color, and her face grow warm. Seeing Ivy’s upset, Mira tried to control her laughter and gave her hands a firm squeeze.
“I am sorry, I did not mean to laugh. I would never want to make you feel bad,” Mira said.
Ivy pursed her lips. “It’s all right. I just did not know if there was something I had done wrong or something I should have been feeling.”
Ivy shook her head. “No, that is not what I meant,” she said softly. “I was merely asking how you felt now that you have given your maidenhead away. Not physically, but in your heart… and your mind?”
“Oh,” Ivy said. “That. Yes.”
She felt silly for misunderstanding such a simple question, but given the circumstances, could she really be blamed for it? This was such new and uncharted territory for her that she did not know up from down. She had so little experience when it came to carnal matters that she did not know if she should be feeling one way, or thinking another.
The truth was, she had many different feelings and thoughts about what happened - what she let herself do. And she could not put order to them. Could not arrange them in any way that made sense to her. All she could do at the moment was feel. Her body still hummed with delicious, sensual energy that filled her with a light that continued to warm her from the inside out.
“Well?” Mira laughed. “Are you going to answer the question?”
Ivy laughed and buried her face in her hands. As she regained control of herself, she lowered her hands, but could not get the smile off her face. But as the thought of Castor finding out crossed her mind again, she shuddered, and the corners of her mouth pulled down into a frown.
And no matter how hard she tried to push thoughts of her brother from her mind and focus on nothing but the good feelings that lingered, at that moment, all she could think of was an enraged Castor learning she had given her maidenhead away since she knew it would devalue her when it came time for him to find a suitor for her.
“What is it, Ivy?” Mira asked, still clutching her hands. “Why do you look so scared.”
“Because I am,” she whispered. “What if my brother finds out? He will kill me. Quite possibly literally.”
“He will not kill you, Ivy,” she said. “I can promise you that.”
“Maybe not. But he will punish me severely.”
Mira pursed her lips, knowing that Ivy was right. Her brother would not be very forgiving were he to learn of her… indiscretion.
“As scared as I am of him finding out though,” Ivy began, “I cannot bring myself to regret what I did. I cannot bring myself to regret giving myself to Fin.”
Mira gave her a gentle smile. “You really care about him.”
Ivy paused for a moment, afraid of the depth and power of the feelings that stirred within her. But then she nodded.
“I do,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I care about him very much.”
“That is wonderful, Ivy,” she beamed. “That is truly wonderful.”
Ivy felt the wings of elation start to lift her up, threatening to send her soaring among the clouds. But then the cold slap of reality hit her hard and brought her crashing back down to Earth. She sighed heavily and looked up at Mira, her vision suddenly blurring with tears.
