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I shut my bedroom door, turned on the heated mattress pad so it could warm up, and put the TV on. I washed my face, tied my hair back into a messy ponytail, and changed into my favorite flannel pajama pants and T-shirt. I pulled the large blinds across the floor-to-ceiling windows, something I never did, and pulled the duvet down and crawled into bed. I fell into the large pile of pillows and pulled an extra one into my body. As I inhaled, all I could smell was Chase. The longer I lay there inhaling his scent, the longer I had to hold onto the sob that was threatening to escape my throat.
When my chest felt like it was going to explode, I finally succumbed, and a loud sob escaped me, echoing through the room. I held onto that pillow, inhaling his scent, and cried, wishing that Chase's arms were wrapped around me, trying to comfort me. I not only cried for the loss of something that could have been but for the loss of Chase as well, because no matter what, I couldn't have him as a lover or a friend. That was when the full realization hit me. I had lost both him and a baby this afternoon.
20
Chase
Idrove around the city aimlessly for three hours, after I had left the quietness of Sophie's office. I'd waited at least a half hour after she had left before I got behind the wheel of my car. I was now down at the waterfront.
I shut the engine off and began walking through the park back to the spot where Sophie and I had shared our second first kiss only a few weeks earlier. I sat down on an empty bench and looked out over the water. Memories flashed through my mind. I smiled at the memory of the look on her face as our lips had parted the first time.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me out of my memories. I checked my messages to see that my brothers were waiting for me at our normal restaurant location. I was about to message them to let them know I wasn't coming but decided getting out with them would do me good. I needed to pull myself out of this funk.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of Wings and Things. I immediately saw that all of my brothers’ vehicles were parked. I cut the engine and checked my phone once again for any message from Sophie. I was hoping for anything, a hello, fuck you, die bastard die, whatever she wanted to send, but there was nothing.
I removed my seatbelt and shoved my phone back into my jacket pocket. Walking into the restaurant I was greeted with an onslaught of waving women, most of whom I had slept with at one time or another over the years. We apparently needed to change up our location, I thought to myself, but I was polite, greeted them, even making small talk with some. I approached the bar, ordered a beer, and made my way back to where my brothers were waiting.
I slid into the booth beside Hunter and shoved my face into the menu that sat waiting for me. Carly dropped a beer in front of me, flashing me one of her smiles. When I didn't make eye contact and only mumbled a thank you, she walked away with a look of disappointment.
"What the fuck is up with you?" Bryce questioned, looking between Carter and Hunter.
"Nothing?"
"Nothing? What the fuck? Four months ago you and Carly were all over one another. You'd take her home, screw her brains out, and now you barely acknowledge her?" Bryce seemed a little pissed off and picked up his beer and took a swig.
"Mom would be so disappointed with you," Hunter said facetiously, trying to get under my skin. I knew he was doing it on purpose, since he was the only one who I'd really confided in, yet he still didn't know the outcome.
I did my best to ignore them, letting them carry on with whatever conversation they had been in the middle of before I'd arrived. I wasn't really all that hungry, and I finally shut the menu, downed the remainder of my beer, and was well into my second one before I heard my name mentioned.
I looked to Carter who sat there staring at me. "You sure you're all right?"
I nodded, downed the remainder of my second beer, and signaled for another one.
"Jesus, you should slow down there, bro. You have a car to drive home," Carter said, nodding towards the empty beer bottle.
Hunter turned to look at me. "Did you finally hear anything?"
I nodded. For the past couple of weeks, I had let my brothers believe that everything was back to normal with me and that I was back to my old dating ways. I had made up dates with numerous women to avoid our nights out. I'd made up stories of the girls I had taken home, but the truth was that, since I had left Sophie's apartment that Monday morning a few weeks ago, I hadn't been able to look at another woman, because the only one that was on my mind was Sophie. I'd spent my nights at home, watching movies, texting or chatting with Sophie on the phone, even spending one more night in her bed, but now I feared my lies were about to surface, because telling them all one thing via text was different than sitting in front of them.
"Well? Is she pregnant? Did you fulfill her need? Did your super sperm win?" Hunter and Carter chuckled at Bryce's insinuation. I, on the other hand, did not.
"When is the big day? With any luck, Mia will be expecting at the same time," Bryce said.
"What big day?" I asked, picking at the label on my beer.
"Really, Chase? You have to ask? When is the due date?"
I let out a deep breath, continuing to pick at the already mangled label on my beer bottle. I could feel them watching me as I sat there trying to decide to tell them. "All right, let me level with you guys. There is no baby. She isn’t pregnant, and honestly, I'm devastated."
The silence at the table was deafening. I watched them as they looked between one another, not really sure what they should or could say. "Don't you guys have anything to say at all?" I asked.
"Why are you so devastated? I mean, you made her sign the contract, remember?" Hunter said quietly.
"I remember," I said, flinching at the memory.
"We're a little lost here, Chase," Bryce said, setting his bottle down and looking at the others. “You wanted nothing to do with everything after the deed was done. Your words, bro.”
"Look, I haven't exactly been truthful with you guys.” I looked to my three brothers. “I haven't been with a woman since Sophie. There have been no dates. I've been hanging out at home watching TV, playing video games, and talking or texting with Sophie. So when I've told you I couldn't do something because I had a date, I was lying."
