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She doesn't say anything. She just looks back down at her plate and starts eating again.
And I feel like the ice between us, which was starting to melt, has become rock-hard again, and we’ve ended up right back where we started.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, barely audible. She looks up again to make sure I said it for real, so I repeat, louder this time, "I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing now?"
"I don't know." I shrug. "I feel like it's time."
She looks at me in disbelief, obviously suspecting that I'm hiding something.
Which I am. I love her, and I'm scared to tell her.
"I'm sorry for that, I really am," I say once again to convince her.
A long pause follows, and she studies my face, trying to figure out if I'm lying.
I'm not lying, Sapphire. Please believe me.
"And I'm sorry I took a look at your journal. I shouldn't have done that," I say once again, taking a deep breath. I really do regret I shattered her trust even more.
"Are you going to tell the whole school about what you read there so they can make fun of me? Like when you started a rumor that I’d had a menage with twin brothers?"
I hated myself after I made that up, and the worst part was that those twin brothers were my football teammates, and they confirmed the rumor simply to help me bully her.
"I thought Chad would break up with you after that," I confess, digging an even deeper grave for her trust. At this rate it’s going to be buried so far underground I won't ever be able to pull it out.
"He's not that stupid," she chuckles, shaking her head.
"I didn't know that then. I hoped he was," I say honestly, not looking away from her gaze for a second.
Since I’ve started this, I might as well be honest to the end, and maybe then she'll give me a chance to regain her trust and friendship.
Except that now I want more than her friendship.
"Why did you want us to break up?" she asks carefully, as if afraid to hear the answer.
Here's my chance. Here's my chance to finally confess that I love her.
But instead of that, I say, "Because I didn't like seeing you with him."
She keeps looking at me for a couple of long, torturous moments. I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest at any second. I don’t think I'm even breathing, already regretting that I didn't confess.
Ask me why...please, just ask me why, and I'll tell you now.
"I'm gonna go to my room. Thank you for dinner," is the only thing she says before standing up and rapidly walking away.
It seems like I'm glued to my chair because I can't follow her. It’s as if I’ve lost my ability to speak.
It's over. We're done. Tomorrow is gonna be another day in which she hates me again.
I’ve lost my only chance.
Chapter Eight
Kendall
I read the same sentence for who-knows-how-many times, finally admitting that I cannot concentrate on my book but still refusing to put it away because if I do, my thoughts about Josh will cover me entirely, and I don't want that.
