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She looks at me for the first time since the beginning of the lesson, and I see terror on her face. She's afraid, afraid of me. And I can blame only myself for it. If I hadn't shown her my dark side yesterday, maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be looking at me like this right now: as if I'm the most dangerous monster of all.
"It's forbidden," she retorts after clearing her throat and then turns away immediately, lowering her gaze. "But you can ask Alexa; she may let you take the horse outside of the stable property after we finish the class."
She doesn't look at me as she speaks, trying to sound as calm as possible, even though her voice is trembling. I can see that she’s dug her hands into the reins so hard that her fingers have turned white. And I know it's not because she's scared of riding a horse. She's excellent at that.
I probably shouldn't have mentioned the forest, especially after what happened in there between us. But the truth is that even though I tell myself not to rush, I can't wait to be with Katie alone, somewhere no one will see us, where we're entirely alone...
"What if I tell you that Alexa already agreed to this? Will you then go with me?" I insist, trying not to push too hard but still pushing a little.
"It's in vain. The lesson will finish right after we get to the forest," she protests, lifting up her gaze to look at me. For such a tiny woman, she's brave enough to argue with me, even though she knows who I am.
For a couple of seconds, we simply stare at each other, and I dive into those huge light green eyes. They're so bright, almost transparent, especially during the daylight.
"Katie," I say after a long pause, still staring at her, unable to look away, "the lesson won't finish in half an hour."
She pulls the reins, and the horse stops. I stop mine right afterward. I see her face change from scared to absolutely terrified in a second, and then she becomes pale.
"Do you mean that you took two hours of horse riding with me?" she asks after a long pause, trying to come to her senses.
I stay silent, feeling the need to tell her the truth but unable to do so because I don't want to upset her even more. The bitterness of her disappointment mixed with fear hits me like a wave of ice-cold water. She's the first woman who hasn’t been willing for me to be in her life, but that's not the reason I feel hurt. It's because she's theonlywoman I want to spend my life with, and I don't need any other.
"Oh my God," she exclaims loudly, shaking her head as if unable to believe it, "you paid for the whole day with me, didn't you? And since I'm the new girl here, I have no other clients."
I do not say a word, even though she's staring at me, waiting for an answer, her eyes filling with tears again.
"Did you?" She raises her voice, holding back tears and digging her nails into the reins as if she’s trying not to faint.
"Yes" is the only word I say, my eyes locked on to hers. I can see that she's barely breathing, and I’m worried that she may faint for real.
"For how long?" Her still voice cuts me like a knife.
She has come to her senses again, and her eyes have changed from wet to dry and angry. The terror on her face has transformed into rage. I've never seen her like this before. But why? And, to be honest, I like it even less.
When she was terrified of me, I knew my chances were low, but now, when she hates me, my chances are dropping to zero.
"A week? A month?" She raises her voice even louder. Every word sounds like a condemnation. "Until you are done playing with me and find someone else?"
Someone else? What is she talking about? Where is this coming from? Has someone hurt her in the past?
I feel the anger growing inside of me at that thought. Well, at least now I know where her rage is coming from.
"I will never hurt you, Katie," I say seriously, looking straight into her eyes, trying to prove to her how serious I am.
"I don't believe you," she declares right away, without even trying to understand me.
I know deep down inside she knows I'm telling the truth, but she tries to deny it, hiding her heart from me for some reason.
"I'll do anything to change that." I do not give up, and it's the truth, whether she wants to believe me or not: now that I've found her, I'll never let her go.
Katie turns her gaze away, unable to handle this tension between us, while me...I, on the other hand, can't force myself to stop looking at her.
"Why are you doing this?" she asks in a quieter voice, staying silent for some time, without even moving.
"I want to know you better," I answer right away, looking at how her neck is covered with light pink spots.
"Why?" She looks up at me again. She's nervous. She probably feels pressure; she feels like she's trapped with me. And I guess that she feels as if she can do nothing about it, like she doesn't have a choice.
I don't know what to say. I want to tell her that I won't force her to do anything she doesn't wish to, but who am I fooling? I’ve already tried to make her spend the whole day with me, without even asking her first.
