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I’d been so shocked earlier that I hadn’t fully appreciated how goddamn stunning Wren looked in the emerald green dress she wore. It had subtle sparkles and fit her perfect little body to a tee. Her blue eyes shined under the lights in my foyer. She took my breath away.
“Come here.” I pulled her into my arms, the only thing that felt right. Taking a deep breath of her scent, I spoke into her hair, “I’m sorry. I’ve been doing everything in my power to forget what happened between us. I can’t forgive myself for my weakness. I thought if I could just force myself to take that woman out tonight, maybe I could somehow shift the direction of my life and pretend I hadn’t royally fucked up with you. I never imagined you’d be there.” I wanted to stay here in this spot with her wrapped in my arms, but she pulled away.
“It wasn’t like you looked at me and made my legs magically open, Dax. I wanted it, too. I wanted more… But you told me to leave before that could happen. So stop blaming yourself for what we did. It is what it is.”
Her words made me feel a little better, but I didn’t deserve a shred of the peace of mind she offered.
“What do you need to tell me?” I asked.
Her chest heaved. “I found out today that I got the teaching position in France.”
Perhaps excitement should have been my first reaction. Instead, my stomach sank. “What?” I feigned happiness. “You did? That’s…great, right?”
“It’s a two-year contract.”
Two years? “They make you commit to that?”
“Well, no one’s going to arrest me if I’m unhappy and want to leave. But I sign a two-year contract, during which I’m not supposed to leave or go work for another school.”
This is really happening. She’s leaving. A mix of panic and relief bombarded me. My mouth opened and closed a few times. “I don’t even know what to say. I guess we knew this could happen, but it still seems a little surreal. This is what you want, isn’t it?”
She wiped the corner of her eye. “It’s funny… I thought I did. Until I actually got it. Now I’m kind of freaking out.”
“Why?”
“I’m excited about the prospect of travel, but I don’t want to leave my dad. I don’t want to leave Rafe,” she whispered. “Or you.”
My chest hurt. “You’re gonna take it, though, right?”
She looked at her feet a moment. “I think so, yeah.”
Good. This was good, right? I should’ve been relieved that she wasn’t going to let anything between us sway her decision. The feeling in my chest certainly wasn’t relief, though. It felt like I’d been gutted.
But I wasn’t going to keep her from something she’d always dreamed of—traveling overseas. And now she’d have the chance to live there for a while, something I hadn’t done myself. Not only would this be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but it would give her much-needed space from me. That felt more imperative than ever.
“I feel lost, torn between two different sets of feelings...happiness and sadness,” she said.
Yeah, I can relate. “Well, I’m glad you realize turning this down isn’t an option. You’re gonna be scared. Leaving what you know is gonna feel foreign. But you won’t regret it.”
What she said next surprised me.
“I want to tell him, Dax.”
It took me a second to understand. “You want to tell Rafe the truth?”
She nodded. “Not right now, but before I leave. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. By the time I come back, he’s going to be almost sixteen. I don’t want him going all that time not knowing. It will give him more context for why I need to keep in touch with him while I’m away. I feel like he’s in a better place now and can handle it. What do you think?”
I rubbed the scruff on my chin as I processed that. I couldn’t think of a reason not to tell him, especially since he’d been doing so much better over the past month.
“I think you’re right. If your gut is telling you this is the right time, I think we should tell him.”
“I’m glad you agree.”
I nodded. I just had no idea how he was going to react. I sucked some air in. “When do you leave?”
“They want me there by June first. I’ll probably leave at the end of May to get acclimated to the area. I would be teaching a summer program initially and then going right into the main fall semester after that.”
Less than three months. That hit me like a sucker punch.
“I’ll let you decide when you feel the time is right to have the conversation,” I said.
“I was gonna tell him a couple of weeks before I leave. So that way there’s some time where I’m still here, if he has questions.”
