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“I’ll support you in whatever decision you make. And Shannon and I will be here for him if it takes him some time to process.”
Wren stared into my eyes. “We need to talk about us, too.”
A rock settled in my stomach.
“I haven’t been able to think of anything but you in a week and a half,” she confessed.
Rather than admit I’d had the same problem, I asked, “When did you end things with Sam?”
“I don’t even know that there was anything to end because we weren’t exclusive. But I went to see him right after I left your office that night.”
I nodded, hating myself for the trace of sick pride I felt upon hearing that—as if I were the Cunnilingus King, ruining her for all other men.
“After what I experienced with you, I knew I had to act,” she continued. “It made no sense to string him along anymore. If I took anything away from what happened with us, it’s that I deserve to feel that kind of fire with someone. Even if you and I can’t be together, you showed me what it’s like. And I definitely didn’t have that experience with Sam.” She looked into my eyes. “It wasn’t just what you did to me on your desk. It’s how I feel every minute I’m with you, Dax. Even if we’re just talking. I…”
Her words trailed off, but she didn’t have to explain further. I knew exactly what she meant. I took a few steps closer. “I know because you saw me with a woman tonight, you think I don’t care about what happened between us. But it’s just the opposite. I feel every bit of what you do, if not more.”
“So fucking someone new was the solution to handling it?”
“I promise you, I had no intention of sleeping with her. It wasn’t about that. It was about me running like hell from what’s been happening between us.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “There are so many reasons I’m wrong for you, Wren. Even if you weren’t Rafe’s sister, I wouldn’t be right for you. That’s important for you to understand, too. I have a lot of shit I haven’t dealt with. You deserve someone who can open his heart to you without baggage and issues to work through.” I sighed. “My sexual attraction to you and my admiration for you are not an excuse to overlook that harsh truth. I’m the wrong man for you. I think your new adventure is badly needed, and it will put some space between us.”
“You think I’m so addicted to you that the only thing that can stop it is an ocean between us?”
“No. I’m the one who needs the ocean because I’m addicted to you.” Those words felt like a weight off my chest. “I’m fucking addicted to you,” I repeated. “I can’t stop tasting you on my tongue. But if that were the only problem, maybe I could handle it. It’s not just physical. I can’t stop listening to your music—I’ve been doing that since the moment I discovered it. Almost every night. Did you know that? And I can’t stop replaying our conversations because they make me think about life. They make me want to write in that fucking journal and do things I’ve never imagined myself doing. You have a way of making me feel better about myself, even when I don’t deserve it. I can’t stop thinking about you.” I lowered my voice. “And it really has to stop. Because I don’t want to ruin your life…or Rafe’s. The kid is traumatized enough. This is what I do. I hurt people.” Feeling my walls crumbling, I got choked up. “I was a terrible husband, Wren.”
“What do you mean?” She blinked. “Were you unfaithful?”
“No. But I didn’t give my wife the type of affection she deserved. I loved Maren, but…” I paused. This was hard to admit. “I don’t think I was in love with her when I made the decision to marry her. The biggest sin of my existence will always be that I wasted those two years of her life while she was married to me. She could’ve been with someone who truly deserved her. I thought I could grow to be that man. I wanted to love her in that deep, soul-crushing way.”
I’d thought I didn’t have it in me until these powerful feelings had formed for Wren. But I would not be admitting that to her tonight.
“So you see…” I said. “I sure as hell don’t deserve a second chance if she didn’t get one. That would be too fucked up for words. I’m too fucked up for words. And I’d be dangerous for you.”
She shook her head. “You don’t fucking scare me, Moody.”
I let out a long, frustrated breath. “You’re calling me Moody again. You must not hate me anymore.”
