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“Is Morgan moving in with you anytime soon?” I asked as the waitress retreated.
Dax began shredding his napkin. “We were talking about that happening after Rafe goes to college. But the subject hasn’t come up recently.”
I felt jealousy burning in my throat. “Does Rafe like her?”
“He seems to. It’s obviously hard since she’s the first person I’ve dated seriously since Maren.”
“Right…” I muttered.
His mouth opened and closed a few times. “I didn’t mean…” He shook his head. “I meant the first serious person he knows about.”
“I understood what you meant.” I looked up at the ceiling to compose myself.
He slammed his glass down again. “Fuck this awkwardness, Wren. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head right now.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I just want you to be honest with me.”
I laughed angrily. “No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
After several seconds passed, I finally said, “Every day…” My voice trembled. “…Is a struggle to force myself to move on, Dax. That’s all there is to it. I’m not ever going to feel nothing when I look at you. It’s not about getting rid of these feelings. It’s about learning to live with them.”
He took a deep breath and nodded slowly. “I thought…” He hesitated. “I thought I’d done a good job of getting rid of my feelings. Or at least burying them deep—until the moment you showed up at my door. Everything rose to the surface again. As if no time had passed.”
My chest constricted. “Is hearing that supposed to make me feel better?”
“It’s just the truth.” He took a long gulp of beer and changed the subject. “Are you liking your new massage job?”
I shrugged. “It’s going okay, but I’m applying for some music-teacher positions. The experience I garnered overseas now qualifies me for a teaching position here, though there are less than a handful across the state.”
“That’s amazing. You never mentioned that.”
I folded my hands together. “Well, there’s a lot we haven’t discussed in recent years.”
“I should clarify that Rafe never mentioned that was your plan. I tried not to grill him too much while you were away. Anytime he’s offered any information about you, though, I’ve cherished it.”
“I can relate to that.”
“I was never sure if he’d told you about Morgan. But you obviously knew.”
I nodded. “Knowing about her made it easier to be prepared when I came back.”
“You know…she kept pressuring me to get on social media. But I never listened. I was afraid if I did, she’d tag me in everything, and you’d see me with her. I didn’t want to upset you.”
“You must assume I think very highly of you.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m joking.” I smiled. “I can appreciate why you did that.”
His eyes seared into mine. “I sensed how uncomfortable you were that first night you came back.”
“I’d rather deal with the discomfort than not see you at all, though. You disappearing from my life is not what I want, especially since Rafe is our common denominator. I just have to get used to things the way they are. That hasn’t happened yet.”
“We need time.” He exhaled. “Speaking of time…this time with you right now is a nice surprise.”
I knew my brother had arranged this on purpose. But he didn’t know Dax like I did. Dax wasn’t going to cheat on his girlfriend, or bend on the decision he’d made when it came to us. I wasn’t even sure it would change things if he knew Rafe had read the journal. Dax felt it was wrong to be with me. That unwavering belief had been the final nail in our coffin before I left for Europe.
Our food came, and we managed to move on to lighter topics during the meal.
After my plate was clean, I took a long sip of the last sampler from the beer flight. “This is starting to hit me.”
He chuckled. “Me, too.”
“Unfortunately…” I wiped my mouth. “The more I drink, the more I feel like grilling you again. That’s the last thing I should be doing because the things I want to know are also things I don’t want to know.”
He nodded. “I feel like we’ve always had the kind of relationship where we’ve been honest with each other, even if it hurt.”
I searched his eyes. “You seem happy…but are you?”
He shredded a bit more of his napkin. “I’ve come a long way since you first met me. I’m not as miserable. Rafe and I finally have the kind of relationship I’d hoped for. Things aren’t perfect, but I’m proud of where I am.”
“Things with Morgan aren’t perfect?” I tilted my head.
“Things with Morgan are good. But nothing’s perfect.”
We were perfect. At least it felt that way. “Do you see yourself marrying her?”
He was quiet a moment. “She would like that.”
“Would you?” My heart accelerated.
