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“I don’t see the need to get married ever again.”
“But you’d do it for her?”
He chewed on his lip. “We’re not there yet.”
Yet. “She’d do it in a heartbeat, if you asked,” I said.
“You’re probably right.”
“You’re holding back and giving me the bare minimum right now because you don’t want to hurt me.”
“Can you blame me?”
“I can handle it. I can handle all of it, Dax. If I could handle leaving for Europe after the best sex of my life with a man I…” I stopped to choose my words carefully. “…Cared deeply for, I can handle anything.”
“I’m not sure I can handle knowing everything, Wren.”
I tilted my head. “Dylan, you mean?”
“I was jealous when I had to watch you with him at Rafe’s party.”
“I could see it on your face.” I laughed a little. “It gave me satisfaction because at least I knew I wasn’t the only one experiencing it.”
He nodded and looked away.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you doing okay in general? Is there anything that’s happened in your life you haven’t told me?”
He smiled. “That reminds me of when you asked that question when we first met. To this day you’re still the only person who’s ever asked if I’m okay.”
“Are you?”
He slowly shook his head. “No.”
My eyes widened in shock. “No?”
“No, I’m not. Not since you came back.” The napkin was now fully shredded. He pushed the pieces to the side. “I watched your channel the other night. It was the first time I tuned in again since I made the decision to stop. I felt like a recovering addict who suddenly went on a bender.”
“What made you do that?”
“It was the alternative to texting you when I knew that would be wrong.”
My heart filled with hope, and I wanted to punch it. “You wanted to text me?”
“It just felt weird seeing you and not being able to…”
“I never said you couldn’t text me.”
“I know.” He looked around the room and finally back at me. “I was afraid of what that would lead to. I was trying to do the right thing. Watching your channel was a compromise.” He smiled. “But listening to you play again was awesome.”
“Glad to have you back—even if it was just for one night.”
“You played that Amy Winehouse song, and it was posted the night of the party. I wondered if…”
“If I’d chosen it because of you? Cocky, aren’t you?” I winked.
I wasn’t going to admit it, even if it was obvious my song selection was no coincidence. I never imagined he’d log in again after he’d stopped. But deep down, I still yearned for his attention as much as ever.
I changed the subject. “Has anything new happened in regards to the situation with your family? Have you heard from them at all?” I asked.
He took a sip of his beer. “That’s a whole ’nother can of worms.”
“Why?”
“I haven’t heard from them, no. But Morgan seems to think I’ll regret it if I don’t try to work things out, with at least my brothers. She’s been trying to convince me to call them. That’s been a point of contention between us lately.”
“Never mind what she thinks. How do you feel?”
“My gut says that’s not the right thing to do. Of course, I’ll always regret losing them, but how can you forgive people who haven’t accepted any blame? Or even tried to ask for your forgiveness?”
I nodded. “I agree with you, Dax. You didn’t do anything wrong by pursuing your dreams. You don’t owe them anything. They’re the ones who cut you off. The ball is in their court. Fuck that.”
He nodded. “If one of my brothers made the slightest effort to contact me, I’d be open to it. But they’ve been horrible about the whole thing. They didn’t even fucking contact me after Maren died. And I know they knew about it through friends.”
I shook my head. “God, that’s sick.”
He attempted to shred more napkin. “Anyway, I’m totally ruining the mood.”
“I’m the one who asked you about it.”
“You know,” he said, “your family is small—just you and your dad. But you’re lucky. Chuck is an amazing man. He was so kind to Rafe when he came to visit us while you were away.”
“I know I’m lucky. He’s my everything.”
“I’m sure he hopes you’ll end up with someone worthy of you, so he doesn’t have to worry.”
“He just wants me to end up with a good person.” I raised my shoulders. “Who knows—maybe I’ll end up with no one. And you know what? I wouldn’t be the only one navigating this life solo. I can handle it if that’s my fate.”
“Trust me. You won’t end up alone.”
“That’s right.” I winked. “I’ll have Rafe. Thanks to you.”
“That’s very true.” He smiled.
“But as for Dylan, because I know you want to ask me more about him, we’re seeing where things go.”
