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“That’s marvelous! Come, come!” she said, clearly happy.
The door opened behind him and even though he didn’t turn to look, he was aware of Caroline coming out of the drawing room.
“What are you doing, mother? Are you just going to do as he says?” she asked.
Her mother ignored her and led him to the Lord’s study. Caroline chased after them, but when she got to the study, she was stopped at the door.
“You should go back to your sisters, my dear. You don’t seem to be in the best mood, perhaps they could cheer you up,” Lady Campbell said with an innocent expression.
“What! Mother!” were Caroline’s last words before the door was shut in her face. It was petty, Alexander knew, but he could not help but give her a triumphant look as the door closed, reveling in the furious glare that she gave him.
What was that? Since when am I so bad at controlling myself?
CHAPTERSEVEN
Caroline sat in the carriage as they made their way over to what was going to be her new residence in total silence. The only thing that assured her that this was, indeed, reality and not a terrible nightmare was the carriage wheel bouncing on the uneven street and sending pins up her derriere, causing her to shift in her seat every so often. It only added to her misery that day that they had to take the back roads due to an accident on the main street.
She looked up as Alexander grunted, moving about in his seat, and thought with some satisfaction that she was not the only one who was affected by the carriage’s constant bouncing.
The two weeks leading to that day had been spent in constant agony. Caroline felt betrayed by her parents, her father especially. She could not believe he could so easily renege on his promise of letting her make her own choice in whom she wanted for a husband. After her mother had shut her out of the study, and to her annoyance, locked it, she had been forced to stand outside and listen as wedding plans were made on her behalf.
Her mother had taken total control, setting the wedding breakfast for only two weeks away. One would think she was a pregnant bride being rushed into marriage so that it would not become obvious that her child was conceived before she was tied in matrimony to her husband. She hated it, and made it known all through the preparations. Her resistance had been futile, however. Her mother made all the choices and all she did was attend. It was nothing like she imagined.
“Are you alright? You appear to be in great discomfort,” Alexander asked, disrupting her thoughts. Caroline had once again moved slightly, hoping her movements would go unnoticed. She chose not to respond to his question. Neither of them had made any efforts to grow closer or get to know each other during the two weeks before the wedding. Did he think they would suddenly be on friendly terms after getting married?
"I understand your anger, but can we be as civil as we can with each other? It is not as though I am asking you to love me, for my heart, as you well know, belongs to another, but we cannot be at oddsfor the rest of our lives.”
Caroline found it difficult to breathe as he spoke about love. She could feel her throat close as the emotions she fought to keep in check threatened to either choke her, or spill out of her in torrents. Her hopes of marrying for love had been sufficiently dashed, and she had been married to someone who would probably never love her and might constantly blame her for his unhappiness.To be civil he says. So that is what it was. He made no efforts until it was sure that we would not be getting out of this, and now, he wants to maintain peace since we are stuck together.It was not that she did not see the sense in it, but her emotions were too raw for that.
She turned away from him and looked out the window at those who were going about their day, laughing, and chatting without care. She wished she could be like them but feared those days were long gone. She knew she was being a bit dramatic, but she doubted she could ever be happy again. Not with the burden that had been saddled on her.
“Alright. Regardless, I assume you heard what I said. I'm not sure why you are pouting since you and your mother orchestrated this, but I shallaccept this silence for the time being." Alexander's curt tone made her almost wince.
Caroline turned back to the scenery outside the window and tuned him out, choosing not to pay him any attention. She supposed, even with his offers of civility, his emotions were still quite raw as well. Paying attention to him, or responding to his words, would only lead to them fighting in the carriage. If he had so much against her and her mother, then he should have taken her refusal as a sign to run for the hills, finally free from his obligation to her.
He had not done that, had he? The dratted man.Instead, he had made her mother’s plans a success.
It was not long before the scenery bored her, so she sat and closed her eyes. She could feel Alexander’s eyes boring into her, so she pretended to be asleep so he would not try to start up a new conversation with her.
She was angry. Angry at her mother for being so selfish. Angry that her father had not chosen to take her side. Angry that her sisters had claimed solidarity and yet had been so excited at the prospect of a wedding feast and going shopping for wedding attires.
No, she would not think of that. Not in regard to her sisters. She could not blame them for being happy about such things. She supposed she would have been happy too if she had not been the one whose happiness was being sacrificed. A wedding was indeed an exciting affair. She used to love them, too. She could not enjoy preparing for her own, but it was truthfully because she was too stubborn to allow herself to do so. Every time she began to enjoy it even a bit, she reminded herself that she did not love her future husband.
She had been immensely unhappy as she trailed behind her sisters and her mother, going through the motions of picking out fabric and having her measurements taken. She had refused to go to the seamstress, so her mother had ordered that the seamstress be brought over to them instead, making her room a sea of fabric they had to navigate.
Apart from her dress, she could not remember much of what had happened in the two weeks it took to prepare for the wedding. She came out of her self-imposed prison once, after hearing a loud commotion and was almost run over by a maid who had her arms heaped full of tablecloths, she was scared the maid would miss her step and break her neck on her way down the stairs, and after making sure she survived, she had gone back into the comfort of her room, only leaving it when necessary.
Caroline was mostly angry at her new husband. She wondered why he felt the need to remind her of his love for another woman if he had not even tried to fight for that love and find a way to be with her. At least that was what she believed. She did not care what he did with his love life, but it would have saved her from this predicament.
She hated that she had to call him husband. To her, the word was important and the many years she had spent daydreaming of addressing someone with that title lovingly, made it difficult to face the jarring reality. She knew nothing about the man, other than that he had a lover and tended to make impulsive decisions.What else would one call this sham of a marriage?She thought bitterly. She had only seen him three times in her life before today when they were unfortunately bound together. Twice at her house, when her parents had summoned him and when he had come over to propose; if what he did could be called that, and once when they had obtained a wedding license.
Caroline sat up at the sound of the wheels grinding to a stop. She looked at Alexander to see him already squinting at her, a frown on his lips. She smiled inwardly as she realized he had believed she was sleeping. Choosing to ignore him, she looked down and frowned at how rumpled her clothes looked from all the fidgeting she had done during the carriage ride.
Caroline looked up in shock when she felt Alexander’s hand on her arm, stopping her from the task at hand. Other than when he had bumped into her on his way out of her father’s study during that first meeting and when they had exchanged rings at the altar, he had never touched her, choosing to always maintain a respectful distance, so it surprised her that he would now.
She looked him straight in the eyes, a questioning glance.
“I understand that this is not an ideal situation for either of us. However, you are about to meet my servants and I ask that you refrain from embarrassing me or yourself, madam.” Caroline felt a chill in her bones at the realization of the kind of life he was demanding of her; a life of pretense. It seemed her husband did not consider her well-bred enough to understand the ways of high society.
