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He thought about the reaction he had gotten from her father and groaned, knowing he not only had to worry about convincing her but also her family. They would need to believe him or at least see that he regretted letting Isabella into the house at all before they would be willing to forgive him and help him speak to his wife.
He ran his hands down his face in exasperation. Isabella had once been his dream but now his former relationship with her was beginning to seem more like a nightmare and a curse to his life. He wished he had told her to leave his house the moment she arrived, instead of entertaining her delusions in his study. Now, his gentlemanliness was costing him his happiness. He supposed it did not matter now, he would not be able to return to the past to change the choices he made but he knew for certain that he would not let his mistakes make him miss out on his baby's life.
"My baby," he muttered, feeling overwhelmed. The only time the thoughts of a child had crossed his mind was when Caroline's mother's friend, Lady Silverstein, had visited and asked them when they planned to have one and that seemed like centuries ago now.
"I am to be a father," he said, trying the words to see how he felt about them. Alexander expected to be scared or worried at the thought of being a father, but he found that he was not. Sure, he did not know a thing about being one as he only had Colin to take care of, but there hadn't been much of an age difference for him to play an active guardian role in his brother's life. He knew for certain that he would spend his time trying to be the best father he could be to his child, just as his father had been for him.
"I am to be a father," Alexander said once again, this time with a wide grin playing on his face. His Caroline had blessed him with the most beautiful gift. He knew she would be a good mother just as he was certain he would be a good father. Their child would be the luckiest child in the world.
His grin faded away as he remembered that he still had not figured out a way to bring his wife back home. He desperately wanted to be there for every step of her pregnancy. He had heard from his married friend that pregnant women had a way of making you both miserable and happy at the same time until you end up confused by your displaced emotions and he could not wait to experience all of it with her. However, that would not be possible if he did not find a way to explain what had really happened and apologize for not pushing Isabella away from him immediately.
He let out a weak growl as he thought of the sadness and betrayal she was feeling in her condition and wished he could change her negative emotions into positive ones immediately. Right now, he was standing on unsteady legs with her, unsure of his place in her life, but he knew the reconciliation he sought would not happen by wallowing in grief.
Alexander got to his feet and headed to his study to write her a letter. He only hoped she would at least be curious enough to read what he wrote.
My dearest Caroline,
I would like to apologize for the scene you saw, I know it must have been very terrible for you to witness such, and I understand how disappointed you must be feeling. But please believe me when I say it is not what you think.
I know the gossip and the sight you beheld must have led you to doubt me, but if you would let me explain myself to you, then you would know that I have not in any way strayed from you and that I would never consider it. Although Lady Westworth may have set her sights on me, you are the only one I care about.
I was so shocked by her advances that I failed to stop her quickly from taking liberties with me. I know my history with her makes this difficult to believe, but I have never thought of her in any way that would be unfaithful and unfair to you since we took our marriage vows.
I beg you to please give me a few moments of your time to explain everything to you and I promise to bare my all to you.
Yours with love, Alexander.
Alexander read the letter over and over, feeling dissatisfied with its contents but he really wanted to explain it all to her in person. He wanted to see her face. He also needed to see her to know how she was doing. Before he found out about the pregnancy, he had badly wanted to see her to confirm that she was well and now that he knew her sickness had been caused by the pregnancy, he was desperate like he had never been before.
Alexander sighed and rang for Barnaby. "Please, have this delivered to the Campbell house. Make certain that the butler understands to deliver it directly to her and report to me when you return," he said.
"Certainly, Master Alexander." Barnaby bowed and hurried off, obviously knowing the urgency of the letter.
Alexander rested his head on the back of the chair. It seemed like he had aged so much in the last few hours. He heaved a sigh and got to his feet, feeling bone weary and mentally exhausted. He wished he could go over to her home once again; but sending his valet over was one thing and going back there on his own, just after he had been warned to stay away, was another.
He had no intention of staying away, especially not after finding out about his baby, but he knew it would be disrespectful to rush back out, no matter how much he wanted to. It would probably make the family dislike him even more than they already did right now.
He moved away from behind his desk and paced the floor, looking out the window as he waited for his valet to make an appearance. He doubted he would have any news to share, but he could not get himself to leave his study without receiving any information.
The knock on the door brought him out of his reverie, and he looked up to see his valet looking at him with pity in his eyes. Alexander was a proud man and was not used to being pitied, but now was not the time for useless notions of pride.
"Yes, come in, Barnaby," Alexander said as he stared at him expectantly.
"I delivered the letter as you instructed and made sure to let the butler know that the Lady was to receive it the moment she woke. She had retired for the night by the time I arrived," Barnaby said.
"That is good, I am glad she is taking her rest. She needs it after the kind of day she has had. Thank you, Barnaby, that will be all." Alexander motioned for his valet to take his leave and sat back down. Now that he had received the little information Barnaby could give him, he realized that he had nothing else to do.
Alexander got up and made his way down the hall to his room, he would try to sleep so as to wake refreshed the next day and think of new ways to get his wife back. As he stepped into his room, memories of their time spent there rushed back to him. The house suddenly felt empty.
Laughing at the absurdity of the situation, he sat at the edge of the bed. He could not believe that he wanted nothing to do with her a few months ago and now he was actively struggling to win her back. He really wished she had given him the opportunity to explain himself. It saddened him deeply that he had not been offered that choice, but Alexander tried to understand what seeing him in that position did to her.
Although he had reassured her before that he would never be unfaithful to her, he knew that the sight she saw would make her question the words he had spoken, especially since he had never given her any reason to trust him. This was the second time she had heard of or seen Isabella in the house with him and sometimes words were just not enough.
Alexander could not blame her for her actions. No, the person who was to blame in all of this was Isabella. He frowned as her name crossed his mind. He did not know how he had been so blind to this side of her. Had she deceived him and hidden her true nature from him or was this an act of desperation, because of being in an unsatisfactory marriage with an old man?
Alexander did not want to believe that he had been so taken with her that he had been blind to her faults, choosing to perceive her as an angel, instead of the woman she was proving to be. He was so angry with her for acting so despicably even after he told her that he would never cheat on his wife, not even with her. The fact that she was married herself was another reason he was angry. It did not matter that she was married to someone she did not love; marriage was supposed to remain undefiled.
Alexander laid his head on his pillow and clutched the other in an embrace. He would not think about Isabella anymore. She had hurt him, whether she meant to or not and right now his priorities lay elsewhere. For now, he would get some sleep and come tomorrow, he would plan his wife’s return.
