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As we stare, we know we should stop. We’re talking about how great Lola is, but here we are, betraying her every single moment.
“I can’t believe you think that would make me want you less,” I murmur. “You did the right thing. You stood by your child. I think it’s noble.”
He laughs gruffly. “Noble? Me? I don’t know about that.”
“But why?” I pursue.
“Some people would disagree with you. They’d say it’s better for a child to have two happy divorced parents than grow up in a bad environment. And I agree with that. I always did my best to keep any coldness away from Lola. She never saw it. She never knew it. We were both there for her, right up until the end.”
“But you didn’t…”
“What, love Maddie?”
I nod, loving that he can read me so easily. But I fear it too.
What if he somehow senses all the need grabbing onto me more and more each moment?
“No,” he says.
Stop it, I think, but the question doesn’t listen.
It’s like it asks itself.
“Have you ever loved anybody?”
He pauses, looking at me, into me, through me in that way of his. “I’m not sure.”
“Oh,” I murmur. “Lola never mentioned you having many girlfriends growing up. But I guess when you’re away….”
He shakes his head. “I haven’t slept with a woman since Lola was conceived.”
I freaking swear, this news almost sends me collapsing over the railing and into the pond. I can’t even fit it into my head.
He smirks and moves closer. “You don’t believe me.”
“No,” I whisper.
“Look at me and tell me I’m lying. I’ll always be honest with you, Faye. Always.”
The repetition of the word always has me thinking of the future, of warm fires in wintertime, laughter filling up our home, children’s footsteps, and Felix reading a bedtime story in his husky voice.
“I can’t,” I say softly. “But…really? That’s two decades!”
“Yeah,” he nods. “I guess it is.”
“So you and Maddie never…you know, after?”
“We didn’t,” he says. “Our relationship was about being parents to Lola, nothing more. And after that, I learned my lesson. I wouldn’t get involved with a woman unless I felt something real. I was starting to wonder if that would ever happen. But then I met you.”
“This sounds like something you tell women,” I say, heat rising to my cheeks. “A line to get them into bed.”
“Maybe it does, but why would I say it now, after the photoshoot? I don’t need to trick you. I can feel how badly you want it, the same way I do.”
“So you’re saying I’m the first person you’ve been attracted to in twenty years.”
I fold my arms, staring up at him, letting him hear the disbelief in my voice.
But his gaze is steady. So is his voice.
