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I’m trying to keep myself from giving in. Brodie is decent, but some guys are good at hiding their true selves. It’s tricky and I have to be careful. Keep my impenetrable walls up. I’m not opposed to getting to know him, but I’m not ready to be in another relationship so soon. It took me ten years to stand up for myself and it’s important that I don’t just jump into something. I’m not scared to be alone, and that’s a good thing.
Darlene comes back and takes our order. She has eyed me a couple of times, but we aren’t ready yet. His reaction to certain things help me gauge if he’s putting on a front.
“So, how do real relationships work?” he asks.
Listen, I’m not an expert, but some people aren’t in it for the long haul. They give up when things get tough, or just don’t want to deal with it. That’s called being a damn coward. When you truly love someone, you fight against the obstacles, not each other. You fight to be next to that person, and don’t just run away when things get hard. My parents weren’t necessarily happy, and from the little that I do vaguely remember from back then, they did fight a lot. It was always over stupid things; like not taking out the trash, or forgetting to put the dishes away. Now that I’m an adult, it’s obvious they were not upset about those actual things, it’s the little things that turn into bigger issues.
“You sure you want my answer?” I ask, getting his confirmation before I lay it out. “A real relationship is work. Sure there is a honeymoon phase, but that will pass and then the real work begins. You don’t get with someone to change them, and you don’t have to like everything about them. Everyone has flaws. Communication is key. If something pisses you off, say so. Irritated, say something. Little things turn into monumental ambushes and that will ruin a relationship.”
Darlene approaches just as I’m finishing my sentence and sits the plates in front of us. This conversation is getting interesting.
“The only thing I would add to that is personal time. If I’m in a relationship, it’s nice to be able to get out and do things by myself, without having to feel bad about it. Just because I want to go without you, doesn’t mean I have an ulterior motive. It’s healthy to spend some time apart, no matter how long you’ve been together.”
He is speaking my language. I’m all about curling up on the couch and watching a movie together, but sometimes I just want to go out to dinner with a friend. Lee always used to have a problem with that, almost like I didn’t want to spend time with him. In his defense, he worked all the time, so when he was home, he wanted to spend time with us. I can’t fault him for that, but I still need me time. That shouldn’t be a problem in any relationship.
“Okay, we are diving in head first. While we are here, what’s the thing you hate the most? Like deal breakers?” he asks, digging into his country fried steak and potatoes.
This is a hard question, because there are so many things that I learned in my past relationship that I never want to deal with in the future. Is it going to sound like I’m just bitching about my ex? That’s a major turnoff.
“So, I’ll say this. If you have the need to check my phone, then we shouldn’t be together. Or you shouldn’t have a problem with me checking yours. Don’t be a hypocrite. Also, intimacy. Let’s just say that sex isn’t the only form, and I need more than that from whoever I’m going to be with and they should expect the same.”
I search his eyes for a reaction, and a smile tugs on his cheeks. “Hallelujah! Preach it, because one of my ex’s was all about getting in bed, but didn’t want to touch me otherwise. I agree with you that trust is a relationship killer. So is communication.”
Our outlooks on relationships are similar or he’s just telling me exactly what I want to hear. Why am I so quick to think Brodie is lying to me? Maybe I do have some type of trust issue when it comes to this. He is sexy, caring, good with kids, and knows exactly what he wants. Any other woman would be jumping at this opportunity and I’m still so hesitant.
“Can I ask why you think you aren’t ready to date?”
I don’t have an answer.
“I’ve been single for less than a week.”
“That’s not an answer. Sometimes, things come into our lives at the right time, and honestly I find it mind blowing that you walked onto the field the day I told Tristan I was going to stop. As soon as you pulled up to the field, I wanted to ask you out, but being the coach complicated things.”
It still does. What are the other moms going to say? What is Lee and Sherrie going to say? Tina wants me to move on, but Lee is still in the back of my mind, screaming at me to wait. But why should I?
“I’ll admit that when I noticed you checking me out, it gave me a confidence boost. Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“Do you think there’s a length of time you have to wait before you can be happy? Personally, I’ve been waiting to find my person, the one that I can talk about anything to, and fall asleep with every night. If you want to wait before continuing, I won’t say no.”
Brodie is chipping away at my walls, and a part of me wants to let him in. Why should I want to be happy? Whether it’s him or someone else? After being in a failed relationship for way too long, I don’t want to waste any time. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon. Brodie makes me feel sexy, but shy.
Being with someone new is always exhilarating, not knowing what to expect. I’m unable to anticipate his moves like I could with Lee. It’s actually refreshing.
“I don’t know what I want. Can we not label it? Just have fun and see where it takes us?”
Without the pressure of calling it dating, maybe it won’t overwhelm me. If we weren’t calling this a date, than I wouldn’t be anxious because I have no idea what’s coming next.
“I’m gonna be honest, here. We don’t have to label it, but there’s one stipulation that’s a deal breaker with me. We can’t sleep with other people. Not saying you have to with me, but I can’t handle another man putting his hands on you. Can you handle that?”
Excitement tingles inside me, and my mind rushes to Brodie fucking me right here on the top of this table. He just pushes the dishes onto the floor and takes me. People fantasize about sex, so why should I be ashamed?
“Actually, that’s perfect.”
We both smile and go back to eating our food, and somehow it dawns on me that I just agreed to continue seeing him. Maybe things will work out this time. I’ve been wrong about Brodie, and he might be one of the last good guys out there. I’d be stupid to let him get away, especially when his eye is on me.
“What next?” he asks.
I grab my phone and text Tina.
