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BEN
I haven’t been able to pry my eyes off her all day. Her smile has been situated in place, but I know she’s miserable deep down after the stunt her mom pulled this morning. Only, she’s avoided me also—aside from the moment I was able to ask a quick question to see if she was okay, to which she lied and said yes. And it’s driving me as crazy not being able to throw her over my shoulder and haul her ass upstairs.
Patience isn’t my strong suit, and it’s wearing thin as I watch her along with the newlywed couple and a few others on the dance floor, swaying to the upbeat music. When the song ends, they clap for the band that’s been playing all night for the intimate crowd, and the next song starts up, a soft melody for Eric to wrap his arms around my sister and spin his blissful bride around the floor. My parents join them on the dance floor too, but what really catches my attention is Eric’s brother stepping up to Josie as she’s exiting the dance floor. He extends a hand and my pulse kicks when she takes it. He leads her back to join in with all the other happy couples swaying to the music. Everything is picture perfect—except it’s supposed to be me holding her, not him. Best man duties don’t extend to holding my woman that close to him.
Rising from my chair, I make my way across the parquet floor, and stop next to Lance. “May I cut in?”
He doesn’t seem thrilled, but he steps back, though he holds her hand too long as he says, “Thanks for the dance, Josie.”
Her hand falls to her side as he walks away, she straight up avoids me, purposefully not meeting my eyes, and I see what she’s about to do. Catching her hand as she goes to exit the dance floor, I lift her knuckles to my lips, and it’s then her eyes finally meet mine. “Dance with me?” I ask. “Please.” Seemingly shocked, she nods as her hands move to my shoulders. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her against me. “This,” I whisper, my lips brushing along her ear, “this is how it’s supposed to be.”
“Not now, Ben,” she whispers in response. I know she wants to make the day special for Sarah, but there’s no reason she can’t take five seconds to acknowledge my arms are the only place she’s supposed to be.
“What? You don’t want to hear that I was jealous as fuck when he pulled you against him? Because I was.”
“Lance is just my friend, dumbass. Not that it matters since that’s all we are too.”
Fuck. That was a low blow. Friend zoned after last night. “We’ve never been friends, Josie.”
“True.”
“We’ve always been more.”
“Sure.” Her sarcastic unwillingness to argue sends my mind into overdrive. She’s not merely running away from me tonight. She’s already decided—already shut down.
“So that’s it. One night of sex and we’re done.”
Heat rises on her cheeks as she glances around. No one is paying us any attention, but I don’t care even if they are. Everyone knows I’ve been in love with Josie Oswald since I was a kid. Everyone except Josie, apparently.
“I love you, Josie. And I’ll fight for you, against you, and beside you. Whatever you need. But I won’t let you go.”
“You can’t say things like that.” Her pleading eyes watch me as she steps back, crossing to my sister. Josie looks to Sarah, and a heartfelt smile rises on her face as she tells Sarah she’ll be right back and way too calmly walks off the dance floor, leaving me there after confessing that I love her.
Following behind her, I catch up to her as she walks down the side of the embankment near the lake, out of sight of the small wedding.
“Aren’t you tired of running from me?”
“I’m not running. I needed some air.” Her excuse would usually make me feel better, but I can’t when she’s completely dismissing us.
“Air? We were already outside, Josie. Just admit it. You love me too.”
“Yes. Of course I do. But I love Sarah too… and your parents. And being that I just signed the papers to finalize the end of my own family and legacy, I’d like to keep what I have intact.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do. Keep us intact. I know this morning with your mom is still bothering you. Talk to me. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. Tell me how to help make it better.”
“Stop trying to rescue me.”
“And what’s wrong with me wanting to protect you, to keep you from getting hurt?”
“You’re not my knight in shining armor, Ben. You’re the ass who torments me.”
“I know you don’t need me to rescue you. You’re strong enough to do that on your own. But one day, I hope you realize you don’t have to. That you can count on me.”
Her lips stay in a tight line, and I think I might be breaking through that ironclad wall until the words leave her lips. “Yeah. I can count on you to break my wrist or make fun of my need to have some control and stability in my day or give me a fun night in bed. And that’s fine. But that’s all I want from you. That’s it. So stop making this more complicated than it needs to be.” A gulp of emotion leaves her lips as she says, “I’d rather have you as an adversary than as nothing at all. And that’s what we’re good at… fighting. Arguing. Insulting each other. Our version of friendship. That’s how it’s going to stay. That’s what I need—that version of you—because then I get to keep being a part of the only family that’s ever mattered to me.”
A cynical laugh floats from my mouth. I shouldn’t say it, but I have to. Because she needs to hear it. “That’s bullshit. You know my family would side with you in a heartbeat. They love you as much as I do. And whatever happens between us, they’d never turn their backs on you. The real monster you should fear isn’t the one lurking in the deepest depths of the darkest water, it’s the one in your mind. Because it keeps you running from what you want. From happiness. You’re so fucking scared to be happy, you’d rather wallow in misery. That’s how you thought life was supposed to be growing up. And if you don’t get a fucking grip, you’ll end up miserable and hateful, just like your mother wants you to be.”
Her sharp intake of breath slices through me, her wide eyes searching mine. But it’s the tear that slips down her cheek that breaks me. Fuck. “Josie, I’m—”
“No. Don’t. You’re right. You win.” Her words are quick and sharp. And in complete contrast with the broken look covering her face as she quickly swipes her cheek dry. “But what I really want is for you to stay the fuck away from me.”
“Josie.” I reach for her, praying I can get through to her. Fix what I need to. Because I know that’s not what she wants. She’s scared. And I am too. But before I can stop her, she’s gone, quickly jogging back up the embankment and away from me.
Her retreat feels representative of more than just the literal sense. It feels like she’s out of my figurative reach as well. That voice in her head is worse than any monster she’d ever face in the depths of the ocean, and I brought it to the surface.
Hurrying behind her, I arrive back with the other wedding guests, almost expecting her not to be there. But she is. And that last thing I expect is what I see. She’s smiling. Dancing along to the song with Sarah. Josie truly has shut me out. How can I get through to someone who has learned to survive by keeping everything and everyone she loves at bay?
