AllFreeNovel
Share Us
22
Birdie peeked inside one of the fragments of the beveled glass to the mayor’s office, only to find Lilith sitting at her desk with her hair looking as if it were an abstract Picasso painting gone wrong.
Oh wait, she was looking through the beveled side of the glass.
Standing straight and centering herself, she silently vowed to be pleasant and upbeat and to refrain from mashing down on the woman’s emotional buttons.
Good Lord, she was even thinking in a Southern vernacular.
She could do this. She could exhibit some restraint.
Running her hands down her skirt, she took in her attire. Her clothing choices were chaste. A white sleeveless shell top and a linen skirt with flat beaded sandals.
The shoes were Valentino, but whatever. She did the best she could to appear nonthreatening and benign.
Plastering a smile on her face, she opened the door and breezed in, as if she were perpetually friendly and without a confrontational bone in her body.
“Good afternoon, Lilith. My, you’re looking beautiful today. Is that cashmere?” She tilted her head conspiratorially. “You get your teeth professionally whitened, don’t you?”
Good ole, eternally repressed Lilith wasn’t buying it. With her hair in a severe bun, her glasses perched on the tip of her nose, and a frown on her face, she asked blandly, “How may I help you, Miss Wellborn? Looking for a local dog fighting ring to promote? Maybe group therapy for women who prefer having sex with married men, or perhaps you’d rather sign up for ways to displace the homeless so they’re less of an eyesore?”
So much for hoping Lucas’s assistant had moved past their latest tiff. It was all Birdie could do to hold back a snarky remark concerning the hundreds of flouncy ruffles adorning her dress, splattered with multicolored dots of various pastel colors.
“Oh, wow,” Birdie said with an exaggerated smile. “How long did it take you to come up with that? You’ve been rehearsing in the mirror, haven’t you? Well, let me tell you, it shows. Totally nailed it. Now, may I please see our esteemed mayor?”
“Technically, he’s notourmayor, as you aren’t a formal resident of Wayward. Rather, you’re just your everyday, transitory visitor passing through, not putting down any roots or settling here on a permanent basis, in any way, shape, or form.”
Birdie thought about a half a dozen comebacks pertaining to the dime-sized mole that had made a permanent home on her chin and the hairs protruding from it, or the tub of Vaseline sitting on her desk that must be used for lubrication of a more personal nature. Her vagina, likely, a deep dark cavernous pit or prehistoric riverbed of a glass half empty.
She pursed her lips, remembering her recent vow of pleasantness and perpetual goodwill.
“Message received,” she said with super happy eyes. Or maybe crazy ones. She wasn’t sure which were expressed. “Now, may I seeyouresteemed mayor, pretty please and with sugar on top?”
“He’s not in at the moment.”
As if on cue, the door to the aforementioned mayor’s office opened.
“Lilith, would you get ahold of Maynard Timmons and transfer him to me?”
He looked up from the folder in his hands and noticed her, rewarding her forbearance with his assistant with something that could almost be referred to as a smile.
“Birdie. What a surprise.”
Lilith continued to fume, making Birdie all the more upbeat.
Lilith deadpanned, “He must have returned while I was in the ladies’ room.” Not even bothering to sound convincing.
“Oh, yes. I can’t imagine the amount of time it takes to pull all of those layers of fabric back together after...” She raised her hand to her mouth as if being discreet, and without lowering her tone, said, “…relieving yourself.”
As Bernadette would say, the devil had saddled her tongue. “And the color of your dress is so unique. It’s as if a unicorn vomited all over you after breaking into a field of Sweet-Tarts and overindulging. You’ll have to give me the name of your personal shopper.” She held her hand up as if a crossing guard. “I won’t take no for an answer. I insist.”
The look on Lilith’s face was everything she had hoped for, so she turned toward Lucas and asked, “Do you have a minute? This shouldn’t take long.”
“Of course.” He turned toward his seething assistant. “Lilith, please hold my calls.”
Vindicated, Birdie walked toward the entrance as Lucas held the door open.
Ever the gentleman.
