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Out the corner of my eye, I see the smirk he tries to hide. My body registers his relaxing as vows take placing in front of us.
I have a hard time believing in love. I believe in lust. It’s so easy to be swept into that all-consuming feeling. Where nothing else matters but that need to be with the other. Those intense feelings can’t be maintained. Their sustainability is impossible.
My father whispers something to my mother, and she gives him this awed look.
My eyes dart to Fin. He’s watching the wedding like everyone else. There’s so much history between us. Not a fuzzy and warm history either. It’s murky and convoluted.
The ceremony ends with my sister looking as happy as I have ever seen her.
My phone buzzes, and it’s an encrypted message. Must be for another job. My sister and her husband walk down the aisle, and I suddenly feel claustrophobic. The walls are closing in on me, and my throat becomes dry. I stand, not waiting for anyone else to leave after the bride and groom.
I rush from the building as calmly as possible so it doesn’t seem like I’m running out. The fresh air does nothing to eliminate the sudden panic attack I’m having.
Keeping my back to the wall, I lean over, my elbows resting on my thighs. My world keeps being built higher around me, but I feel as if I’m still at the bottom.
I can smell Fin before his feet enter my vision. His strong hands rub my back.
“When I was younger, I always thought I wanted what you had with your family. But as I grew up, I realized you had it harder than me. I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone. Everyone always expected the worse. It’s easy to live when the bar has never been set high. You, on the other hand, never had the same vision your parents had for you.”
I unstrap the gun from my thigh, where it was feeling too tight against my skin. It’s the same gun that Ron Wheeler gave me years ago. Its cold metal taunts me.
This reminds me of the first time I had a panic attack when Fin was around.
6 years ago
“Ihavesomethingforus.” Fin has this smirk on his face that has my heart pounding. I try not to smile too much, not wanting to seem overly excited.
“Remember how you said you wanted to be like your brother and kill people for a living?” Fin asks. I only said it because that’s what Fin said he wanted to do. I haven’t given what I want to do too much thought. I just do me and what feels right.
“Are you forgetting that the mafia is run by all men?” My father gives me more freedom than most do with their daughters. But I can’t see this being the career path he would hope for me.
His pointer finger shakes at me before he winks. I almost die. I like his attention on me way too much. I would follow him to hell and back if it meant being with him.
“I know you, Luna. No one can stop you, least of all men who think they know everything.”
I can’t make my smile disappear. “Well, what is this thing you have for us?” I pretend to be defeated, but I can hardly rein in my excitement.
“I got us a contract.” He looks so proud. The fact that he’s including me in this is a huge deal.
“How many contracts have you had before?”
“Loads. It’s what I was born to do.”
I hope he doesn’t ask how many of anything I’ve killed. My number is zero. I want to ask how many he has, but I’m afraid he will ask me in return.
“I’ve killed four guys. Each time, it’s easier.”
Four. I hadn’t realized his father was allowing him into the business. I shouldn’t be surprised. Most men who grow up in this life are initiated around Fin’s age. I always thought his father was jealous of him and tried to keep him an arm’s length away so no one would learn Fin is a hundred times better than he is.
Fin and I search for the perfect weapon to carry out our job. It’s exciting. We shop for new guns. We go into areas my father never allows. I stay by Fin, and no one bats an eye. The arms dealers make me feel important. I’m already addicted to these feelings of being important and respected.
We watch as our target shops from store to store. I don’t know who he is. Both Fin and I practice taking our shots, but neither of us pulls the trigger. It’s not until the man gets near his car that Fin takes his chance.
He misses, and the man looks right at us… just before his car blows up, killing him instantly.
The knowledge is in the man’s eyes—he knew who we were. If he hadn’t died, we would have been on his list.
“Did you plant a bomb?” I ask, hyperventilating.
