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“I love you too, Mom.”
She held me at arm’s length and more than ever I wished I was more like her. But Poppy was all our mom, in looks and personality. People gravitated to my sister the way planets orbited the sun. Her smile was infectious, her warmth irresistible. If Poppy was in a room, she always had everyone’s attention. And although she was the baby of the family, Mom and Dad didn’t worry about her the way they worried about me.
But I wouldn’t change it for anything.
I was relieved Poppy didn’t have to live inside my head.
It was an exhausting place to be.
* * *
“Looking good, babe,”Ashleigh said as I climbed into her car. But her eyes immediately went to my wrist and the thick, fluffy hair scrunchie there. “Lil?”
“I’m okay,” I lied, stuffing it back under my hoodie. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed is all.”
“Have you talked to your mom and dad?”
“No, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make a big deal about it.” I levelled her with a hard look as Poppy joined us.
“Sorry, I forgot my cell.” She noticed the tension between me and Ashleigh and added, “What’s up?”
“Nothing.” I smiled. “Leigh is worried about Peyton. Aren’t you?”
“Uh, yeah. I’m worried—”
“Worried about what?” Peyton ducked into the car beside Poppy. “Sorry, I overslept.”
“Let’s roll.” Ashleigh pulled into the steady stream of morning traffic.
“So I heard Lindsey is having a party Friday and I was thinking we should go.”
“Hell yes,” my sister said.
“Lindsey, really?” I balked.
“It’s senior year, Lily,” Peyton added. “I know she’s a bitch, but everyone will be there.”
“I don’t think so. You can go, but I’m not—”
“Lily, don’t do this. Don’t let what happened back then ruin your senior year. You’re stronger than that.”
“Peyton has a point, Lil,” Ashleigh glanced over at me. “It’s one party. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Come on, Lilster, please,” Poppy implored. “You know Mom and Dad won’t let me go unless you go.”
“She won’t want me there.” Any more than I wanted to be there.
“She should have thought of that before she invited half the senior class. We’ll keep our distance, and we don’t even have to go in her house.”
Peyton had a point. The Filmer’s had a big house backing onto the lake. It was flanked by the woods making it the perfect party spot. They had jet skis and a jetty with a water slide. I hadn’t been over there in forever, but I remembered from when we were kids.
“Who knows,” Ashleigh cast me a reassuring smile, “it might even be fun.”
Mom’s words from yesterday echoed in my mind. She wanted me to embrace senior year, everyone did.
“Did you know Mom had a list in senior year?” I blurted out.
“A list?” Poppy replied.
