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“You told me to try to embrace senior year, Mom. You said that. It was a party, everyone was playing. I thought…” I trailed off, not wanting to share everything with them.
Because that night—one of the best moments of my life—was tainted now.
The second Kaiden had realized who I was, I’d seen his stone mask slam into place. It was like looking at a totally different person.
It matters.
Two little words that hurt more than they ever should. I couldn’t blame Kaiden, not really. He didn’t know how much those few minutes in the boat shed meant to a girl like me. A girl whose entire experience with boys amounted to the numerous book boyfriends I read about and fell hopelessly in lust with on the TV. I had only ever dreamed about a first kiss that made my toes curl and my heart beat harder.
And Kaiden had given me that.
In a moment of sheer panic, he’d given me a rare gift.
I would never get to tell him now though.
Because not only was I the girl who was invisible, I was also Coach Ford’s daughter. No one would ever be good enough for me in my father’s eyes.
Something that had never been a problem before.
Until Kaiden kissed me.
“We do want you to embrace senior year, sweetheart. Dad was just concerned, that’s all.”
“Because he’s a football player or because he’s Kaiden Thatcher?” My brow arched.
“Lil, that’s not—” Dad blew out a long breath, scrubbing his jaw. “I was shocked is all, and I may have overreacted a little. His reputation is… well, let’s just say you’re too good for the likes of Kaiden Thatcher, sweetheart. Or any of the football team for that matter.”
“I bet there isn’t a guy in school you would think is good enough for me.”
“That’s not true—”
“Oh, really?” I folded my arms over my chest. “Name one senior you would be okay with me dating.”
“Okay, why don’t we all just take a breath,” Mom said, holding up her hands. “We trust you, Lily, but we also worry. After everything, it’s hard to let go.”
“You think I don’t know that?”
The atmosphere turned thick around us. It had been a while since my parents had staged one of theirinterventions, but it was a stark reminder of how much it sucked.
“You have nothing to worry about,” I said, shaking off my melancholy. “It was just a silly dare. Kaiden isn’t interested in me, and I’m not exactly the kind of girl guys line up to date.” I plopped off the stool and started backing out of the kitchen.
“Lily, that isn’t what we meant.” Mom’s expression fell. “Tell her, Jason.” She nudged Dad’s arm, and he spluttered.
“Of course, it isn’t what we meant. Any guy would be lucky to date you, Lily.”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. “It’s all good, Dad. It’s fine.”
Fine.
There was that word again.
“Lily—”
“I need to go and finish this homework. But I’ll be down for dinner.” I didn’t give them a chance to say anything else, hurrying from the kitchen and back up to my room.
The second I slipped inside, I inhaled a ragged breath. My skin was tight and itchy, a low tingle building inside me. I grabbed a stress ball off my desk and flopped on my bed, kneading and squelching it between my fingers. Eyes closed, I focused on my breathing, inhaling deeply and releasing slowly. Over and over, I forced myself to fight the urge to shove my fingers in my hair and pull. When the stress ball became redundant, I practiced my stretching exercises. Making a tight fist and then uncurling my fingers like the petals of a flower blooming, reaching for the sun. Open and closed. Open and closed. The rhythmic pulse of tension in my muscles went some way to tamp down the growing urge, but it wasn’t enough. If I could just touch my hair, for a second. Give it a sharp tug. The relief would be instant.
But the shame and guilt would be unbearable.
